Christopher: Hello, everyone! I know that FO is busy drawing up the scenes for the next chapter in the Archaeological Thingy storyline, so I thought I would help out by writing a sketch of my own to entertain you in the meantime. This is the first RAU sketch I've ever written, so I hope it turned out okay.
RAU Gallery Gaiden: Technicolor Baguette
By Christopher Paladin
Christopher: While Nulceo, Image, and Honen are away on their trip, I say the rest of us should go on our own fun adventure.
Lukyan: Okay. Where?
Christopher: France.
Lukyan: Why France?
Christopher: They have a lot of bread.
Lukyan: Sounds good.
Chester: Dude! I'm with you...but, uh... don't we like, have to get FO to draw pictures of us for this?
Christopher: Nope. I'll make the scenes myself.
Raymond: Okay, I guess I'll come, too, Mr. Paladin. But how do we get to France? They locked up the moonbuggy. /=(
Christopher: No problem, Raymond, you can't drive to France anyway. You have to take an airplane.
Raymond: Oh, okay... But how do we do that? =(
Christopher: Through the magic of the internet, anything is possible.
Chester: Dude! Awesome, I get the window seat.
Lukyan: I think we're the only passengers.
Raymond: Can I get some peanuts? =(
Christopher: Strap on your safety belts, everyone and prepare for takeoff!
*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!*
Several Hours Later
Christopher: Allright, everyone! We've arrived in Paris!
Chester: Dude, I thought we were going to France.
Christopher: Paris is part of France, it's just like how they have Chinatown in America.
Lukyan: Didn't we come here in a plane?
Christopher: Yes, but it turns out we really didn't need it after all, so I ditched it.
Lukyan: Okay. Where to next?
Christopher: LOL. This way!
Chester: Dude, why is everything so small in France?
Lukyan: Raymond, quit slackin'. Keep with the pace.
Raymond: I'm trying, but it isn't easy. >=(
Chester: What's that big archway over there?
Christopher: I think it's the Arc de Lad: Triumph of the Spirits.
Lukyan: Are you sure?
Christopher: Yeah, I read about it on some gaming forum.
Raymond: Where to next, chief?
Christopher: How about down this typical French street? Pardon us, Mr. Circus Ringleader Man!
Lukyan: Ha ha. They have umbrellas out and it's not even raining.
Chester: Dude, you're slackin' again, Raymond.
Raymond: I thought we were going to get some bread. >=(
Christopher: All in good time, Ray. All in good time...
Raymond: Where are we now?
Christopher: Notre Dame.
Chester: Dude, I thought Notre Dame was in America.
Christopher: It is. It's in both places.
They were both built in the 1940's by a man named "Walt Disney". However, the European version never quite caught on as well as it did in America.
Chester: Bummer, dude. Wonder why?
Christopher: Not enough facial hair.
Chester: Oh. Okay.
Lukyan: I can see my house from here.
Chester: Dude, we went this way already.
Christopher: No we didn't.
Lukyan: Yeah, he's right. We already passed the Arc de Lad. We're going in circles.
Christopher: No, it's a different Arc de Lad. There's a ton of those.
Lukyan: Are you sure?
Christopher: Yeah, there's at least 4. 5 if you count the online one.
Raymond: Uh, Mr. Paladin, what's 8-year-old Nucleo doing here? =/
Christopher: Oh, that? I accidentally put him there and saved over the image and didn't feel like starting over again. We'll just say it's another rift in the space-time continuum.
Raymond: Okay...He's a cute little fella, isn't he? =)
Christopher: Yup, he sure is.
Chester: Where are we now?
Christopher: This is where the Statue of Liberty came from.
Lukyan: Hey, there's another one over there.
Christopher: Yep. Every 30 years, a Statue of Liberty comes to shore to lay its eggs. Even though they lay hundreds of eggs, only about .001% of the hatchlings survive and make it back into the ocean. That's why there's only one in America.
Chester: Dude, fascinating, where do you learn all this stuff?
Christopher: I love me some Wikipedia!
Raymond: How do you say "famished" in French? =(
Christopher: Hold on, Raymond, we're almost there!
Lukyan: That's some huge bread over here.
Christopher: In France, they have entire city blocks made out of it.
Raymond: Cool.
Chester: Dude, we got our bread. Can we go home now?
Christopher: We could if we had money for the airfare home, but I just spent the last of our money on the bread.
Lukyan: Uh, you said we don't need the airplane?
Christopher: I didn't say airplane.
Lukyan: ...
Raymond: How can we get more money? =(
Christopher: Don't sweat it, Raymond. We'll just ask the Ruler of France. He lives on top of the Eiffel Tower.
Christopher: Okay, guys, here we go! Up the Eiffel Tower!
Lukyan: What a day for the elevator to be out of service.
Raymond: C'mon, Mr. Lukyan, it's only slightly taller than the bread.
Christopher: Of course. No one's more fit to rule France than Tiny Napoleon.
Chester: You know, in France, Tiny Napoleon doesn't seem so tiny...
Christopher: That's because Paris is an RPG town.
Raymond: Mr. Paladin, aren't you going to ask Mr. Napoleon how we can get home?
Christopher: Oh yeah, that's right. Tiny Napoleon, we have no money and we need to go home to Grimmora. Can you impart your sage advice to our young inexperienced minds?
Tiny Napoleon: Ask ze street museecian.
Christopher: Thanks, my diminutive friend! Will you come with us and join the regular cast of The RAU Gallery?
Tiny Napoleon: Non. I must conteenue my quest to defeat ze evil PS2.
Christopher: Ah, that's too bad. A short guy with a French accent who wants to conquer the world would've been such a great idea for a character for this series. Don't you guys agree?
Lukyan: The best idea ever.
Christopher: C'mon. Let's find that street musician.
Christopher: Here's the corner where the street musicians gather to do their daily busking.
Lukyan: Well, what are you waiting for? Ask them what to do.
Christopher: I...I...
Raymond: What's wrong, Mr. Paladin? =(
Christopher: My friends...I can't do it...I've let you all down. I brought you all this way and failed as your leader. I should have prepared for this trip better. But we ran out of money due to my incompetence. I am not worthy to stand in your presence.
Chester: Dude, don't take it so hard. Who would've known French bread was so expensive?
Lukyan: Yeah, don't break down on us now, man. We're almost there.
Christopher: But what if Tiny Napoleon was wrong? What if they can't help us? What if we never get home? Oh, Great Skiva, WHAT HAVE I WROUGHT!?!?
Gregg: Christopher, I feel your light is dying. Hold tight, you've got the music in you.
Christopher: !!!! Gregg Alexander from the New Radicals!?! You're the street musician??
Chester: WHOAAH! Dude!! He's a One Hit Wonder!! Surely, he can help us!
Christopher: Tell me, Gregg... What do I do?? What do I do???
Gregg: This whole damn world can fall apart. You'll be ok, follow your heart. You're in harm's way, I'm right behind. Now say you're mine!
Christopher: Uh...okay... I wrote a poem about my nose. Want to hear it?
Gregg: Fly high, what's real can't die. You only get what you give.
Christopher: I'll take that as a yes. Here goes:
My nose
It protrudes
Into the unknown
It bears the full blunt-force of the unforgiving cold
It is the vessel of soda when I chortle
Salvation is in the mirror
For no other way may I witness its true fury
I do not know what life is about
I only know that there are angles
45-1/2 degrees
I know that's what it was because I measured it with a protractor
LOL
I am lost
This is a picture of me holding up my archaeology professor. He's an awesome guy.
Noses are red, noses are blue
No one knows why
The noses cry
And they cry
They cry...
You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
Whooooaaahh-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh!
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live in fear
Whooooaaahh-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh!
Lukyan: Chris, CHRIS!! Snap out of it, man!!
Christopher: Wha-what happened?!
Lukyan: You went into a John Farnham trance again.
Christopher: Oh, sorry. Thanks for the wake-up call. So, where was I...? Oh yeah,
My nose is water
And light
And fire
And life
From it comes nothing
And ergo, I exist.
The End.
So what did you think of that, Mr. Alexander?
Gregg: ...
Christopher: Well?
Gregg: ...
Christopher: ...
Gregg: ...
Christopher: ...
Gregg: Christopher...
Christopher: Yes?!
Gregg: You've... got...
Christopher:
Gregg: the... music... in...
Christopher:
Gregg: ...YOU!!!!!
Christopher:
I'VE GOT THE MUSIC IN ME!!!!
Hold tight, you've got the music in you!
Don't let go, you've got the music in you!
One dance left, this world is gonna pull through!
Don't give up, you've got a reason to live!
Can't forget, you only get what you give!
Lukyan: Well, a lotta ramscramblin' good that did. You had the music in you, but you just shot it all out, you asshole.
Christopher: Sorry, got caught up in the moment. Lol.
Raymond: Now what? =(
Gregg: Wake up kids, we've got the dreamer's disease. First we run and then we laugh till we cry.
Christopher: Nah, let's just go eat our bread.
Chester: Now what do we do? Our bread is all gone and we're still broke.
Lukyan: And we've been here so long, we're starting to grow these crazy French mustaches.
Christopher: No problem, Luke. These mustaches have given me an idea on how to get home.
Raymond: How so? =(
Christopher: Come with me and learn.
Several Hours Later
Raymond: Wow, Mr. Paladin, this idea really worked! =D
Christopher: We're flat broke but, hey, we do it in style!
Chester: Dude, I can't wait to get back home and tell everyone about our adventure.
Christopher: So what did we all get out of this experience?
Raymond: I got French Fries.
Chester: Dude, a French horn.
Lukyan: Patrick Stewart.
Raymond: What did you get, Mr. Paladin?
Christopher: Something...that I will always remember...for the remainder of my years...
(You may see an ad, music will start after it)
She was a be-bop baby on a hard day's night
She was hangin' on Johnny, he was holdin' on tight
I could feel her coming from a mile away
There was no use talking, there was nothing to say
When the band began to play and play...
And we danced, like a wave on the ocean, romanced. We were liars in love and we danced, swept away for a moment by chance. Yeah, we danced and danced and danced...
I met my be-bop baby at the Union Hall
She could dance all night and shake the paint off the walls
But when I saw her smile across a crowded room
Well I knew we'd have to leave the party soon
As the band began to play out of tune...
And we danced, like a wave on the ocean, romanced. We were liars in love and we danced, swept away for a moment by chance. Yeah, we danced and danced and danced...
The endless beat, she's walking my way
Hear the music fade when she says
Are we getting too close, do we dare to get closer
The room is spinning as she whispers my name
And we danced, like a wave on the ocean, romanced. We were liars in love and we danced, swept away for a moment by chance.
Yeah, we danced and danced and danced...
Hello, folks. My name is Dr. Nucleo Amadeus McRaven. I am a professor of archaeology at the Grimmora Mage University, and a member in good standing of The RAU Gallery cast. Um... You're probably thinking that what you just saw...well, it didn't make a whole helluva lotta sense, but... You see, I've been a cartoon for 40 years and even I can't figure them out.
I mean, just look at this...
How does Blaster fly out of the van this way...
...yet land that way?
Nucleo: See? Do you realize how much sleep I have lost over this? And... wait, what? Hold on...my director's trying to tell me something...what is it? ... Uh... Maybe you should come down here, I don't think this earphone's working.
Gordon: Subspace Theory.
Nucleo: What? Subspace...?
Gordon: Subspace Theory. I'm trying to tell you, Subspace Theory. It explains everything. Just tell'em that. They'll get it.
Nucleo: Uh..? Okay, Gordon. Thanks.
*ahem* Umm...Subspace Theory...?
*Applause!*
Nucleo: Hu-whoah! Ha ha! How about that? It works! Wow, I guess that solves that. And to think that all this time I was...
Honen (95): Excuse us, Professor McRaven. You do realize dat three sketches ago we left off on cliffhanger, und I think we have waited far long enough to continue ze blasted storyline!!!
Honen: For once I agree with my past self. We really need to get zis over with.
Nucleo: Oh, yeah, Honen, and...Honen. Sorry. Didn't mean to hold things up. I'll be right there, but I've gotta go put on my makeup first. I'll catch up to you.
Honen (95): *soupir exaspere* Iz about time dat bloody mountaindevil got his ass in gear.
Honen: Please do not refer to ze Professor's ass, allright?
Honen (95): Vous etes obtus!! You take everyting so leeterally.
Honen: Leeterally? Who taught you to talk? Tiny Napoleon?
