I think some gamers are like stupid versions of Superman. They're probably quite normal in other walks of life, but the minute a gaming conversation rears its head, they transform into drooling, incapacitated zombies. That must be the case, because otherwise I have a hard time believing people this stupid would be capable of doing day-to-day activities, such as getting dressed and finding their way out the front door.

Site Tracking Adventure #9, January 17, 2009

For the first time in the Site Tracking Adventures we get three idiots for the price of one. Let's deal with them individually:

A simple "fuck you" will suffice for this guy. Surely, a topic such as great game ending music could inspire discussion that's on a level higher than that of your typical car auction, but this guy probably can't even tie his own shoelaces, so he's not worth wasting too much time on.

HOLY SHIT! OMG! 3DGY! "Lookit me, Maw! I kin use big words like 'piss-poor' to legitimize my uninformed opinnyons!" Piss-poor midi synth?? THAT'S WHY I MADE IT AVAILABLE IN MP3 FORMAT, TOO, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF ILLITERATE HUMAN WASTE! And I listened to that midi one more time for good measure. There was nothing particularly bad about it. It's more likely that YOU have a piss-poor sound card, which is neither my problem nor the midi sequencer's. Next time, don't surf the internet with a fucking Speak n Spell!

But you know, that's actually a very good question: Where ARE all those Commodore 64 games? I've been going to videogame sites and message boards for years, and (Surprise! Surprise!) NO ONE ever talks about Commodore 64 games. I knew ONE person growing up who had a Commodore 64, and the only games she had for it were ports of arcade games (like Yie Ar Kung-Fu, which I'll bet you didn't even know was an arcade game). So even if I was to choose music from one of those games, it would be far more appropriate to attribute it to the original arcade version - NOT the C64.

But seriously, Rambo?? I'm really expected to believe that proven and world-beloved quality game soundtracks like those of the Final Fantasy, Castlevania, Metroid, Zelda, Ys, and Mega Man series are inferior to some unheard-of Rambo game?? Mr. Kendoll, you need a severe reality check. Face it: You're "That One Kid" who got stuck with a Commodore 64 instead of an NES in grade school and you have spent the greater part of your life trying to convince yourself all other lifeforms that you and/or your parents had made the better choice. One doesn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that out, because everybody in America knew "That One Kid", and you couldn't have made it more fucking obvious if you had used "That One Kid" for your screen name.

It's hard to tell which of these three stooges is the dumbest of the lot, but this one is attempting to go where no useless blog commentor has gone before. First of all, he has no idea what the difference between 8-bit and 16-bit is. Secondly, I (and many of my friends) have noticed that there is little difference in sound quality between the N64 and SNES. The SNES had a great sound chip that could reproduce almost any effect imaginable. There's nothing wrong with Star Fox's sound quality, you're just ignorant and tone-deaf. I could also address his comment on how high I had it on the list, when I had it pretty high up there, but I can only afford to lose so many brain cells a day.

Brad, I think I'm beginning to see why you suck and why your site sucks. You couldn't be bothered to make up your own favorite game songs list, so you leeched mine to make your pathetic blog appear to have content. Of course, you probably wouldn't know the first thing about ripping game music, or converting it to mp3, or even how to write two lines of HTML to save your life, and your friends are a bunch of sycophantic pimples looking for a place to happen. Do me a favor and don't ever link to anything on my site ever again.

Comments from the RAU Gallery:
Talon: You know one thing I've noticed about all of these modern message board and blog types? There are no distinct personalities. They all sound alike and you have no idea who they all are because you never see them anywhere else. Back in the old days, everyone had a website and went to other websites that were close in subject matter to their own. You'd get to know people personally. Everything now is so vapid and meaningless.
Deuce: Blogs are just message boards where only one person can start all the topics. I have no interest in them and I see no reason to care about what people at this one think of us.
Nucleo: It's quite possible that Mr. Ken is "cheating" by suggesting Commodore 64 games. According to my research, one could program their own music for the C64, so there's a high probability that what he's referring to wasn't even official music, but rather fanmade scores that were not actually part of the games he recommends.
Talon: Makes sense. Yie Ar Kung Fu is a great game, but its soundtrack is nothing to write home about.
Deuce: Does Yie Ar Kung Fu even have an ending song? No one I know of could ever beat the second Blues.
Chance: I've beaten him.
Deuce: Chance, really? How? That guy's impossible.
Chance: Oh, puh-lease. His martial arts skills were nothing compared to my own. But don't fret because the ending theme wasn't really worth it.
Nucleo: What was it like, if you don't mind my inquiry?
Talon: Figures.
Robin: Okay, guys, it's that time again!
Deuce: Hey, Robin, who ya got for this round?
Robin: I decided to do something a little different this time. Since this Site Tracking Adventure had more than one lamer, then why not have more than one Port Saiid Hooligan? And this is one brotherly duo that really needs to stick together...

Magnus Crowe and Junus Crowe's Greatest Hits

(If you'd like to set this to music, click above.)


Chance: Well, I suppose we can't complain that Junus and Magnus aren't unique, although there may be some other areas they could stand to improve on...
Deuce: Nah, that's just normal brotherly competitiveness.
Chance: I'd hate to see abnormal.
Robin: I wonder if there's any chance that Rambo music could've really been that good.
Rambo: Bluegh bleh bluuh bleh! Blooouegh! Bleh! Blumf! Mmmf. Mrmrumpf! Blurumf!
Robin: Then again, maybe not.




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