Chance: Okay, let's hear it. What happened this time?
FO: I ran my mouth at someone again.
Chance: Who was it this time? Darth Yoda? Game Pond throwback?
FO: Someone in the comments on a blog. Don't even remember the name now.
Chance: Well, that's a first.
FO: Not really. I don't remember the names of most people I run my mouth at.
Chance: No, I meant, it's the first time you've done this in a blog. It's usually either on a message board or the site.
FO: It wasn't just my usual virtual spleensplitting. I pretty much vomited my entire life story.
Chance: Including 1982?
FO: No, thank goodness, I skipped that year.
Chance: And you have no idea why this keeps happening?
FO: Can't say for sure, but I think I exude some sort of "easy target" vibe. One of the reasons I stopped going to POE's forums is because I couldn't stand that general attitude of "By oppressing you, we're sticking up for 'the little guy'" that flows around there, and while that sort of thing has happened at other places before, it's becoming more and more prominent just about everywhere on the internet. "Mother Bear Syndrome", I've heard it called. I don't mind getting flamed so much as I mind it when it's done under the pretense of championing a cause. Especially when it's a cause that might be affecting me as well. Example: "How DARE you try to see things from the evil mall's point of view for not allowing the poor downtrodden chess players to hold touraments in the lunch area while paying customers can't find a place to sit down!" Or, "It's people like you who want good gameplay above graphics and story that are ruining today's videogames!" And the list just goes on and on.
You know what happened the last time I ran my mouth at someone? I was posting at a friend's forums and there was a topic started by a member that said something to the effect of, "I really like this board because no one here makes personal attacks on each other like I see everywhere else." That day, within three posts, I had a personal attack made on me and was quite literally told to shut up. I'm not saying personal attacks have never happened on my forums, but we don't make posts bragging that they never happen, either. At least call an egg an egg.
I think the real problem is that I'm just getting too old.
Chance: I understand, but still...You have to figure out some way of getting this under control. I get worried about the effects it'll have on us when you get this cantankerous.
FO: If you're talking about that last sketch, it's not my fault that you people have so many problems that it's difficult to avoid them all for the sake of comedy.
Chance: Well, the other day I had to take Talon to the doctor according to the script, and I just don't want to do that someday and find out he's dying of cancer or something just because you're feeling more contemptuous of the world than usual.
FO: This isn't Funky Winkerbean.
Chance: Just hold the ship steady is all I'm asking.
FO: How did his visit go?
Chance: Same as always...
Chance: Dr. Markino, are you sure you're okay with this? I know you're kind of phobic of mountaindevils and you look rather nervous...
Victor: Nonsense, Chance, I got over that fear a long time ago. Talon is about as well-behaved a patient as I've ever had.
Talon: Thanks, sir. I hope that someday the world will remember the Kyradius name more for my work than for my father's endeavors.
Victor: That's certainly good to hear. Well, you appear to be quite healthy. You haven't had any seizures lately?
Talon: No, none at all. I even got into a fight with a giant pair of pants that was shooting lightning bolts and nothing happened.
Victor: ...
Talon: Well, I guess technically I did get momentarily knocked unconscious when he hit me with a barrage of ArcSoft PhotoStudio stamps.
Victor: ... Chance, may I speak to you for a moment?
Chance: Yeah, what is it Dr. Markino?
Victor: I think there might be another type of doctor this kid needs to see...
Chance: Really? Is there something else wrong with him?
Victor: About the "pants" thing...I know you have a psychiatrist at your school, right?
Chance: Oh, that. Yeah, Dr. Abirok also fought the giant pair of pants. He says it turned him into a birthday cake.
Victor: ...........
Chance: Oh, sure, he complained about it for awhile, but at least he could still talk in that form...unlike me when I spontaneously turned to stone that one time.
Victor: ..............
Chance: Dr. Markino? Is something wrong?
Victor: ... *cough* Uh, no. The boy is just fine. Here's his medicine. I guess you can go anytime you want now.
Chance: Okay. Oh, and I almost forgot, Sesa wanted me to give you this letter.
Victor: Oh, thanks. It's always nice to hear from my son.
Chance: Well, take care, Victor. C'mon, Talon, let's go.
Talon: Right behind you, Chance.
Victor: What on earth goes on at that school? I hope my son's okay staying there...I guess I should read his letter...
"Dear Dad,
Hi! I'm doing quite well here. I've been out exploring the world with my new girlfriend, Taura, and don't worry, she's not like that pirate gang leader, Desiree. We're not doing anything illegal. Right now I am staying at the Grimmora University where I run the Juice Bar. Everything is fine except for that time I accidentally turned into a loaf of bread with a kitty face. Thankfully, that only lasted a few minutes since Lukyan was able to cure it with a spell he learned from a giant jellyfish from outer space.
Hope you're doing well, and I'll be visiting you soon.
Sincerely,
Sesa"
..........
Sometimes I don't know if I'm too reclusive or not reclusive enough...
Chance: I don't suppose there's anything I can do to cheer you up, huh?
FO: Maybe.
Chance: Shoot.
FO: Wanna look at some stupid screen captures I still have on my harddrive and can't find any other use for?
Chance: Sure. Why not?
(You may see an ad. Music will start after it.)
I've got nothing to be ashamed of
Love's been a little bit hard on me
If I shy away it's only because
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Love's been a little
Oh, love's been a little
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Love's been a little
Oh, you know it's just been a little
Love's been a little bit hard on me
I can't remember when it's been so much
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Now I shy away at the slightest touch
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Love's been a little
Oh, you know it's been a little
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Love's been a little
Just a little, little
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Come out, come out
To the hopeless romance inside
Shout it's all right, it's all right
To stay so dark so close to the light
** GUITAR SOLO **
Come out, come out
To the hopeless romance inside
Shout it's all right, it's all right
To stay so dark so close to the light
I'll be back when I've calmed my fears
Love's been a little bit hard on me
And I'll see you around in a thousand years
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Love's been a little
You know it's just been a little
Love's been a little bit hard on me
Oh, love, you know it's just been a little
Love's been a little bit....
Talon is about as well-behaved a patient as I've ever had.
