FO: As the webmaster of FlyingOmelette.com and the writer/creator of the RAU, I sincerely apologize for what you are about to witness. You see, I was writing up this sketch in which Dr. Honen Calzoun leads a BINGO match when several lines into it I began to get the feeling that it seemed vaguely familiar. I continued to write, but the nagging familiarity persisted until I suddenly remembered an Animaniacs episode that had a similar premise. Well, except that in my sketch, Dr. Calzoun had a lot more than one person to deal with, but since I haven't seen that episode of Animaniacs in years and have no idea how much of my sketch may have been subconsciously "taken" from it, I decided to give it the axe and present this debacle in its stead.
www.FlyingOmelette.com Presents: DR. HONEN CALZOUN TEACHES A CLASS OF BREATH OF FIRE 2 CATS STARRING: Dr. Honen Calzoun ALSO STARRING: A bunch of Breath of Fire 2 cats Special Guest Appearance by Zumo WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY: Flying Omelette Copyright 2006 www.FlyingOmelette.com Productions
	Honen: Today, class, I will teach you...ze multiplication tables.
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: You heard me. Ze multiplication tables.
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: MULTIPLICATION TABLES! You know, 2 X 3, 0 X 0, 4 X 5, etcetera! Sheesh. My accent isn't dat bad, now.
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: You can't what? I haven't even told you what to do yet.
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Do I want you to do what?
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: What? Dat's what I ask you!
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: (Manchmal hasse ich wirklich mein dummes Leben.) Look, iz not that hard to understand. Let's start by multiplying 2 times 2. Who can multiply 2 times 2 for me? How about Kitashi?
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: ... 2 times 2 iz 4. We take ze number 2 two times. 2 + 2 = 4. Now 2 times 3 iz ze number 2 three times. 2 + 2 + 2 = 6, so 2 times 3 = six. Are you following me yet?
	BOF2 CAT:
	BOF2 CAT:
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Okay, I try to explain more clearly zis time and...Punch? What ze hell kind of response iz "Punch"??
	BOF2 CAT:
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Verdammen Sie es aller zur Hölle!! Okay, one more time. (Ich bete, daß dieses arbeitet.) Here is a multiplication table: Zis is for ze ones. Any number times one equals itzelf. So 9 times 1 = 9, 2 times 1 = 2, 6 times 1 = six. See what I'm saying? Easy to remember, no?
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: *falls over*
	BOF2 CAT:
	BOF2 CAT:
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Iz...there... no one...in... zis room...who can do... one stupid...steenking... little multiplication problem?
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Oh, gracias, peu d'ange. Would you like to explain one for ze rest of ze class?
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Dat's right. Just tell everyone what you know...
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: Yes, yes, of course I want you to do it. Dat's why I ask. Just tell ze class how to do any multiplication problem. Any at all! Explain it for them, Akky!
	BOF2 CAT:
	Honen: ... ...
LATER THAT EVENING
	Zumo: Well, they told me you were in the infirmary recovering and...Ooh...man, you look terrible...which is pretty bad considering that you usually look just plain awful.
	Honen: I want to go back to my island.
	Zumo: You mean the island that was condemned because it was crawling with a disease that made you sick and almost killed you?
	Honen: Dying slowly of rare bronchial fungus infection better than teaching here.
	Zumo: So what happened to the west wing?
	Honen: I dunno. How bad's ze damages?
	Zumo: It's gone.
	Honen: Gone? They clean up damages already?
	Zumo: No, the West Wing is gone. It's not there.
	Honen: ... I am one doomed Oni...
	Zumo: Oh, take it easy, big fella. They ain't gonna pop ya.
	Honen: I don't know why they don't.
	Zumo: They find you as unintentionally hilarious as I do.
	Honen: *soupir exaspéré*
	Zumo: Well, I brought you a book from the library. I thought reading might take your mind off things. It's called "Blue Dragon".
	Honen: Hmph. Well, okay, perhaps it will help.
	Honen:
	Zumo: ...
	Honen: And what was dat supposed to put my mind on??
	Zumo: ...written by the Panoptically Vague Prophet...
	Honen: Well, it didn't work. I still want to go home.
	Zumo: He might have been able to go into more detail...if only RPG books could have more than 5 pages.
	Honen: Usually they aren't more than one.
	Zumo: Want to go bowling?
	Honen: Okay, but since you've only insulted me twice tonight I promise I won't use you for ze pin this time.
	Zumo: Ah, you're too kind.
And later that same night, Honen lost his bowling ball and no one knew where. Things happened in the sky, people ran away for no apparent reason, and birds were somehow...different. People called upon the gods, and there was no answer. Only the one who carried the sword would be their savior. That one was... Tom Brokaw The End