I'm seriously surprised to see that they bothered to put another one of my pages on there just so they could call it "the most stupid thing ever", so soon after I completely tore them to shreds and back in the last Site Tracking Adventure.
"We have a new word today, boys and girls!"
"Assclown! Do you know any Assclowns, boys and girls? I'm sure you do!"
You know what automatically makes me NOT the most stupid thing ever, deadrascal? Here are the top five reasons:
#5. I know that the correct grammar is "stupidest", not "most stupid".
#4. I know how to capitalize the first letter of a sentence.
#3. If the only game-related site I ever rated four stars was this, I wouldn't admit to it in public.
#2. I know that a real review consists of more than a single poorly-structured sentence.
#1. I don't use StumbleUpon.
I could sit here and say how that article you linked does exactly what it was intended to do, and thus does not qualify for being the stupidest thing ever, but my audience is too intelligent for me to patronize in that way. I'm just going to say that if you morons keep putting my site on StumbleUpon just so you can attack it with your vapid, meaningless one-liners, go right ahead. You have about as much chance of winning against me as Norman Dweeb does against Slimer. Congratulations on making Norman Dweeb look smart in comparison. Fuck that, StumbleUpon actually makes Norman Dweeb look like a good idea in comparison.
Comments from the RAU Gallery:
Preston: Professor Dweeb makes me feel very grateful that we destroyed that Network Suit who wanted to change our show awhile back.
Image: Ick. Can't imagine what this place would've been like if that had happened. No way would I give up my tank tops and safari shorts for soft blouses and warm dresses.
Preston: They'd make you grow a few more inches taller, too, probably.
Image: Forget that! I stopped growing long ago so I wouldn't get too much taller than Nuclee.
???: Mwa ha ha ha ha! What you fools don't realize is that I, Professor Mandor Globber, am the TRUE genius who will salvage the RAU Gallery from certain stagnation!
Image: What the hell...? Professor Mandor... Globber? Aren't you just the moldy potroast from the back of the refrigerator?
Mandor: The network decided I should have a bigger role. I should be more upfront. (And if I pull this off right, I'll even get my own spin-off series.)
Preston: What network? You've only been in one episode so far, and that was just a cameo.
Mandor: The FallOverUs MakeMoneyOffUs Network (FOUM MOUN for short). The members of FOUM MOUN decided that I am the only good thing about this show and therefore, I deserve to be the star.
Image: You might want to consider reading through some of the older sketches first, pal. We are certainly capable of dealing with you and your Foaming Mouth group or whatever it's called.
Mandor: But that will all change now, my dear, for I am a TRUE professor, unlike that despicable creature, Nucleo McRaven. My first order of business will be to send him back to the world of demons and monsters where he belongs.
Image: Hey! Don't talk about my husband that way or I'll kick your slimy little ass!
Mandor: Ha-HA! But my dear, it is obvious that he is evil.
Look at his horns, his fangs, his claws. He is a demon from the darkest depths of hell. No TRUE professor, like I, would ever look like that.
Image: I don't give a crap about his fangs and claws! Although you might have a point about the Mountaindevil Slave Mines being like the darkest depths of hell...
Deuce: Excuse me, Mr. Globber, sorry to cut in like this, but I've been sitting back here listening to this conversation and I don't mind informing you that Professor McRaven is a kind, caring man who would never harm anybody. He's also a brilliant teacher and archaeologist, and he helped save this planet from certain destruction during the Great Tower Wars.
Mandor: Please do not interrupt, young lady. This is an important scientific matter that you wouldn't understand.
Deuce: So, is that why I'm not quite getting how someone who looks like a walking sinus infection could be judging a man by his looks?
Image: Preston, you're the psychiatrist. Deal with this idiot.
Preston: I was just wondering what I'd do if I had to consult people as... mentally-incompetent... as the FOUM MOUN crowd, but then I realized it usually takes a certain level of intelligence to be accepted into this institution...
Image: So, what you're saying is that you don't really know how to handle someone this dumb?
Preston: I hate to admit it, but I'm just not used to it.
Deuce: I'm more interested in knowing how he plans to get rid of Dr. McRaven.
Mandor: With my latest brilliant invention, of course!
The Robotic Operating Online Mountaindevil Busting Automaton!
Deuce: ... A roomba?
Image: You plan to bust my husband with a vaccuum cleaner?
Mandor: Of course! It's brilliant! Mountaindevils are just like cats, and no cat can resist riding on the R.O.O.M.B.A., like so:
I will simply turn it on and wait for that hapless phony professor to sit on it and he will be ALL MINE! MWA HA HA! True genius will triumph!
Preston: Should we, um... try to stop him?
Deuce: I dunno. Maybe we should just humor him.
Image: Yeah, the floors could stand to be cleaned anyway.
Nucleo: Excuse me, what's going on here? Oh, WOW! Is that a Roomba!?
Mandor: Ah-HAH! You see! The kitty has taken the bait! He is far too simple-minded to resist the R.O.O.M.B.A.'s appeal.
Nucleo: Wait a minute... Are you saying that this Roomba is specifically meant for me?
Mandor: Mwa-ha! Certainly! It has your name written all over it, Professor.
Nucleo: Thanks! I'm not really sure what to say, so...
Mandor: Wait! What are you doing, you infinitesimally-minded feline?? Put that down! You don't know what it cost me to...
Nucleo: Well, whatever it cost, Professor Globber, it was well worth it. That was the most delicious Roomba I've ever had.
Nucleo: You know, Mandor, there was some talk backstage amongst the cast that you weren't a good idea for this series. Something about you being the equivalent of a 1980's mistake character, like Scrappy Doo or Wheelie, whatever that means. But I just want you to know that you're alright in my book. I've gotta run now, hope to see you in some of my future classes.
Deuce: *snicker* C'mon, Im. Let's go get a drink at the juice bar.
Image: Sure! You coming, Preston?
Preston: No thanks, friends. I think I'll return to my study and catch up on some bookkeeping. See you around, Mr. Globber.
Christopher: Hey! Want to watch another series of ridiculous screen captures set to the music of a song that we here at FlyingOmelette.com exclusively have the lyrics for?
Christopher: Hmm... That's usually how they react after they've seen the montages, but oh well. Good enough for me!