Clash of the Clichés

Nucleo: It's really good to be with you again, Im. And it's such a lovely day, too... Well, you've been rather quiet on this trip. What are you thinking, m'love?
Image: What are you thinking?
Nucleo: I just told you what I'm thinking.
Image: I just love being with you! But do you think Cory is okay without us?
Nucleo: Pretty sure she is. She's with Talon and all the others. And she's been without us before.
Image: Okay...maybe sometime I should take her for a walk like this so we can get to know each other better.
Nucleo: Sounds like a good idea. Ah, this forest hasn't changed much since we were kids...
Image: Neither have you.
Nucleo: Uh...Heh! No, I have. I've gotten a lot older.
Image: Not really. It's just a matter of a couple of lines in your face.

See, if you take them out, you look about 10~20 years younger.

Nucleo: Hmmm...maybe.
Image: you like being a mountaindevil?
Nucleo: It has its advantages. Why do you ask?
Image: I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a mountaindevil.
Nucleo: Be careful with thoughts like that, Im. In a cartoon setting, that's usually a setup for a mind-switch episode.
Image: But wouldn't you like to be me for about 22 minutes?
Nucleo: I'd also be stuck as you during the commercial breaks, so it'd be more like 25, not counting the intro and closing credits.
Image: No, you're forgetting, there's also the part of the episode before we get switched and the part after we're returned to normal. So, actually, it might only be about 15~20 minutes tops.
Nucleo: Hmmm...Could really use one of Sesa's calculators right about now.
Image: Should we go ask FO to write an episode where we get our minds switched? I want to know what it's like to be you.
Nucleo: Why? Can't you get an idea just by observing me?
Image: But I don't know the feeling...being able to cling to walls with those claws and being able to fly with those wings...
Nucleo: I don't fly too well, Im, and nor do I really want to. *shudders*
Image: Silly, Nuclee! How can a mountaindevil be so afraid of heights?
Nucleo: It's not the heights that scare me. It's the thought of plummeting to my doom.
Image: But you have wings!
Nucleo: They might give out. I just don't trust them. And I've had 40 years of experience with them. I wouldn't want you to go trying to fly right away. Oh, what the heck am I saying? This conversation is ridiculous anyway. I somehow doubt that we'll ever have our minds switched. The odds are...probably like a trillion to one. I really need to get a calculator...
Image: Didn't you ask Sesa for advice on getting one? Whatever happened with that?
Nucleo: Oh, yeah, um...I did, actually...umm...


Sesa: Here's the Casio FX-50F, FX-50F Plus, FX-68, FX-80, FX-81, FX-82, FX-82SX...
Nucleo: Uh, Mr. Markino, maybe you could...just suggest which one would be the best? Um. Heh.
Sesa: FX-570S, FX-570W, FX-601P, FX-602P, FX-603P, FX-702P...
Nucleo: ...


Sesa: And now we're up to the Texas Instruments TI-10, TI-15 Explorer, TI-25X Solar, TI-2550, TI-30...and...? Professor? ...

Professor?!...Nucleo? Where'd you go? Hm. That's weird. I wonder where he went. Oh well.

Nucleo: *sigh*

Image: I see...But how did you get out from underneath that pile?
Nucleo: Well, it wasn't easy. I had to bite my way through a few of them.

Maybe he won't notice.

Image: Maybe. Do you think we should set up our camp now?
Nucleo: Yes, we probably should. I'll get the firewood ready, and...


Im! Lookout!

Image: ... Hm?
???: Hah!! Got you!!
Image: Ack! Nuclee! Help!
???: Run away, mountaindevil, you're free of your servitude! I'm taking this one with me!
Nucleo: What the hell? Let go of my wife right now or I'll tear you apart!!
???: Y...your wife? You two are married? You're not her servant?
Nucleo: Of course not, now let her go!
???: Well, that makes this situation rather awkward, now doesn't it?
Image: *bite* *CRUNCH!!*
???: OUCH! Ooh-hoo! Ow! Dammit! Knew I should've used my sleeper hold.
Nucleo: Image! Are you okay, m'love?
Image: Yes, Nuclee. Can I beat the crap outta him?
Nucleo: Hold on. Let me deal with this first.

Okay, fellow, you better speak up. Who are you and what on Phainein did you think you were trying to do?

???: Hey, I'm just trying to save you from this crazy demon-elf woman who wants to steal your body. Could I have a band-aid, please?
Nucleo: So, you overheard our conversation yet you couldn't figure out that we aren't enemies?
???: Hellooo? Bleeding griffin here. Need medical attention. Please!
Image: Nuclee, I really, really, really want to kick his butt. Please, can I shoot him with an arrow? Just one?
Nucleo: I know it's tempting, honey, but just hold on.

I'll give you a bandage if you apologize and tell me your name.

???: Allright. I am Sora Rail Pomarine Jaeger Kittiwake Paraque Dunlin the 3rd. You can just call me "Jaeger" if you don't mind.
Nucleo: Sora Rail Pomarine...What? Okay, Jaeger, you said it was? Here's a bandage. Now please go away and leave us alone.
Jaeger: Oh no, I'm not leaving just yet. I'm fully aware that demon-elves have a tendency to enslave mountaindevils and now it's apparently getting to the point where that isn't enough and they want to steal their bodies, too, is that right? I'm not allowing that sort of thing in MY neck of the woods. No, Sirree. No, Bob. No way.
Nucleo: Do I look like I need assistance? Just because a mountaindevil and a demon, elf are together that doesn't mean...Oh, for the love of all things perpendicular, this is ridiculous. C'mon, Im, let's just go find someplace else to camp.
Jaeger: Okay, but if she steals your body don't complain that I didn't try to help.
Nucleo: My wife does not want to steal my body! At least...not permanently. Look, it's just a common 80's cartoon plot. The mind-switch episode. Surely you've heard of it?
Jaeger: Nope. Can't say that I have. And these are no longer the 80's, pal.
Nucleo: Well, we're from the 80's. We're accustomed to its logic. ..Unfortunately, sometimes that can have unpleasant repercussions...

Christopher: I am going to go outside and stand in the middle of a thunderstorm!
Samantha: Uh, Christopher...that may not be such a good idea...
Christopher: Don't worry, Samantha. I'M WEARING RUBBER SHOES!
Samantha: But, Christopher...wait...Lizaki said you need to...



Samantha: ...insulate your whole body...not just...your shoes.
Christopher: *Phuff!* Nowwwwwww you tell me!

...It was still awesome, though.


Jaeger: So, you're from the 80's, huh? What cartoon did you say were in again? Since you appear to be battle-ready, I'm guessing it's an action/adventure series. The Real Ghostbusters? Transformers? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Thundercats? He-Man and the Masters of the Universe?
Nucleo: The RAU.
Jaeger: What? RAU? Never heard of it.
Nucleo: It's a fictitious redundant as that sounds. I'd try to explain it, but it might make the universe implode.
Jaeger: What does it stand for?
Nucleo: Random and Unrelated.
Image: Rare and Uncensored.
Nucleo: I think you're wrong, my dear. The series started as a collection of random and unrelated comics that were written and drawn by the overlord, FO.
Image: No, you're wrong. It was supposed to be a play on "rare and uncensored" film footage - in other words, FO would make us do things in those comics that we wouldn't normally do in the main series, which was named after me.
Nucleo: But that can't be right. That series was around before we were. Although some characters like Deuce and Tomi originated from there, most of us didn't join the RAU until AFTER the main series was already started. Therefore, the title had to have come from something else.
Image: It was untitled.
Nucleo: Because it was a bunch of Random and Unrelated strips.
Image: It became the RAU after we joined it. That's when it got its official name.
Nucleo: I guess we'll have to ask the overlord to settle this one.
Jaeger: Hold it! Hold it! Hold on here. You two are confusing the acorn butter outta me. Rare film footage? Unrelated comics? Overlords? Universe implosions? Where do you come up with this stuff?
Image: I just thought of something...Nuclee and I have walked through these woods many times and we've never seen you before. Where do you get off calling them your "neck of the woods"?
Jaeger: What do you mean? It's not like I've ever seen you before. And technically you shouldn't even be here.
Nucleo: Explain?
Jaeger: You're from a cartoon that didn't even exist! That means you can't exist, either! It's an impossibility.
Image: You're a creation of the overlord, too, you know? If we can't exist, neither can you!
Jaeger: What...? I am? A creation of...the Overlord? Are you serious? Wait...that means...
Nucleo: Uh...Im? I really wish you hadn't said that...
Image: Why not?
*POP!* *POP!* *POP!*
Nucleo: That's why.
Jaeger: What's going on?
Nucleo: Thanks to your bumbling and my wife's innocent naivete, we no longer exist.
Jaeger: I think I'm beginning to hate the 80's.
Image: Can I still shoot him with an arrow?
Nucleo: Save your energy. We'll have to ask FO to get us out of this one.

FO: Allright, what the hell did you guys get yourselves into this time?
Nucleo: Sorry to bother you, ma'am, but can you please rectify this situation? We may be a couple of middle-aged archaeologists, but we weren't quite ready to retire from this series yet.
FO: I'll fix it just this once and then I've gotta go.
*POP!* *POP!* *POP!*
FO: Okay, that should do it. So long.
Nucleo: W-Wait a minute...something's not quite right...
Image: What do you mean?
Jaeger: The names and the pictures are mixed up...oh no...does that mean?
Nucleo: Isoceles Triangles! We've been switched!
Image: This is going to confuse our readers.
Nucleo: Well I hope you're happy. Now you get to know what it's like to be that really what I look like to other people? I'm an even more handsome mountaindevil than I thought.
Image: Now that I am you, I don't know if I really want to be you. Geez, do you need a new prescription? I can barely see with these things!
Nucleo: I only need them to read, hon. Just uh, take them off for now. Gee, now I REALLY wish I had gotten that calculator.
Jaeger: What good would that do? Is that some sort of 80's solution to this problem? I really don't want to be trapped in your wife's body forever, pal. I mean, I've heard of getting in touch with your feminine side, but c'mon!
Nucleo: Well, imagine the strain it's gonna put on our relationship.
Jaeger: I don't want to imagine it! Just get me back to my own body!
Nucleo: Hmmm...Dr. Lizaki is an expert on 80's cartoon technology. We'll have to return to the Grimmora University and ask him to resolve this. Looks like you're coming with us, Jaeger.

Lizaki: Allright, this should just be a simple matter of hooking the three of you up to these fancy machines with the spaghetti-strainer helmets and using the computer to switch your minds all back to the proper heads. Are you ready?
Nucleo: Ready as we'll ever be!
Image: I hope this works...I'm used to loving Nuclee from the outside.
Jaeger: Me, too.
Image: You love Nuclee from the outside, too?
Jaeger: No! I meant, I hope it works, too. I could insert a million reasons why, but I've been trying to keep this PG-rated.
Lizaki: Okay, well, here goes...I'm pulling the lever...NOW!



Nucleo: Uh, Dr. Lizaki...We're already alive. Just a little mixed up.
Lizaki: Just because it's raining on your parade, that doesn't mean you have to slice my umbrella.

WAIT! Something's happening!


Jaeger: Ooooh...what? I'm me? I'm ME! I'M ME AGAIN! HA-HAAHHH! Thanks!
Image: It seems we are back to normal...but Lizaki's computer exploded.
Lizaki: Oh, that's okay. Computers in the 80's always do that.
Nucleo: Thanks for your assistance, Lizaki.
Lizaki: Don't mention it. And be sure to come to me if you're ever shrunk, turned into a toddler, or haunted by an angry spirit yelling "Rosebud!".
Jaeger: Uh, okay, I'll mark that down, but for now, I think I'll return to my forest before anything else from the 80's decides to catch up to me. Later!
Nucleo: Well, did you learn anything from this experience, m'love?
Image: Not really.
Nucleo: Then what are we supposed to do for the PSA?
Image: What's a PSA?
Nucleo: At the end of some 80's cartoons, the characters would do a Public Service Announcement (PSA) to teach kids some sort of moral based on the episode.
Image: Oh, I see. Hmm...I've got it!
Nucleo: Yes, my dove? Go on. Tell it to our readers!
Image: Listen, kids, if you ever meet an annoying griffin while walking in the forest...shoot him with an arrow before he has a chance to make you disappear and switch your body with your husband's.
Nucleo: ...
Lizaki: ...
Image: Well? How was that, Nuclee?
Nucleo: That was, uh...very informative, dear!
Lizaki: And who says that cartoons aren't educational?
Nucleo: Not me, Lizaki. Not me.




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