ADVENTURES IN SITE TRACKING 12
GOOGLING GOONS A-GO-GO!

Ever since I started this section, I have occasionally noticed people on blogs or message boards attempting on purpose to get themselves onto it. In most cases, I ignore these since (A) I am not in the business to encourage internet stupidity, and (B) there's really nothing to respond to. It's like if a five-year-old ran up to me and called me "Doody-head" or something of that ilk, I'm not exactly going to be inclined to engage in a war of words with him.

But much like with all cases that do end up getting featured here, this one simply has to be seen to be believed.

Site Tracking Adventure #12, February 23, 2009

First of all, I am fully aware this topic was created for the sole purpose of grabbing my attention. I'm not falling into that trap. But this URL actually did not show up in my referral reports. That's because, instead of clicking the link to my site a bunch of times, they instead placed the URL of this topic in the Google Search Box on my front page and searched it over 300 times. This, of course, did not show up in my referral reports either, but it DID show up in my Google Adsense reports.

Remember, this is the Google Search function they did this to. While the code for it is on my site, it has no relevance to my site. You can put whatever you want in there, it does not show up on my reports, it does not affect my server. The reports on its activity go to Google, not mine. What these morons essentially did was LAUNCH AN ATTACK ON GOOGLE! It's one thing to be stupid and incompetent on the internet. It's a whole 'nother thing to be stupid and incompetent while doing something illegal, too. And to do it to a big company like fucking Google!

But hell enough about that, this is the moment I know you've been waiting for...

Viva la idiots who design their sites so you have to move the scroll bar back and forth to read it, but you get the idea. I'll hand it to Mr. Lemmy, that's the fucking funniest thing I've read on the internet in a long time. You know you're doing your job when some random person with a goofy grinning avatar is blowing a gasket over you.

If you're going to criticize someone, and you can't handle it when they say something back to you about it, then don't do it. Plain and simple. On the internet, the door swings both ways.

The reason I am able to do what I do here is because I can back up opinions that I strongly believe in, and I can admit when I've been wrong or have changed my mind. Since I started this section, I have caused...

  • At least one message board to activate login protection so that it can't be viewed while logged out
  • A blog to delete postings that I was linking to (even though the blog itself was not my target)
  • Several people at StumbleUpon to rescind their "reviews".

    Why is that, I wonder? Because unlike me, these people don't have reasons for saying the things they do. They just like to get angry about things and shoot their mouths off any chance they get, thinking it won't ever have any consequences. Once called into question, their arguments completely fall apart, and they can't back it up. At that point, there's nothing to do but turn tail and run, because they are incapable of being honest or communicative.

    And, seriously, WHY would you want to start a fight with a website you know nothing about? If I wasn't the webmaster here and someone else was, and I happened upon it, I would get some laughs out of it at the best, and say, "Eh," and move on at the worst. If it doesn't involve me, then why get upset over it? Makes no sense. I've also been around long enough to have seen what can happen when you spontaneously start choosing fights with random websites. I'm a nice person, so this is the worst you'll get out of me (and yet people can't even handle this without shitting a brick). What would you do if you targeted one of those sites that's sure to retaliate in a far less forgiving manner? Would you jump off a bridge because the emotional trauma would just be too damn much? I've seen it happen, over and over, and sometimes even to the same exact people over and over.

    But hold on, several posts down in that topic, Mr. Lemmy reveals the Mother of All Smoking Guns:

    I'm not sure what the best part of this is...

    #1. That I went through all of the Site Tracking and Email adventures and there is no person named "Bryan" that I flamed or....

    #2. Mr. Lemmy is seriously, legitimately upset that I (supposedly) "flamed" an imaginary person! Yes. I couldn't have made it up if I tried, but there it is, right on the screen in front of you. He is angry because I hurt the feelings of a person who does not even exist!!! Excuse me for a moment...

    HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO!HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO!HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO HO! HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA! HA HA HA! HO HO HO HO! *COUGH*

    Okay, I'm back. Mr. Lemmy, I have no idea what age you are, but if you still believe in imaginary friends, then you are too young to be using the message board you are registered at. You are also too young to read statements like "Eat shit, fuck off, and drop dead", but I'll say them anyway.

    As if THAT wasn't good enough, this also made me chuckle...

    I'm just one person here, yet I'm completely and totally capable of handling myself. "LinktheWarrior" here thinks that if he and his peers put all of their brains together, they still wouldn't have a chance of doing something or other. Apparently, his opinion of himself and his peers is so incredibly low that he firmly believes it would take ALL of them combined just to maybe eek out something that could possibly resemble my own gig, and even then it's still not likely. Hey, Link, I'll give you credit: You are at least being realistic, even though you're also a chauvinist who has a beyond-generic internet handle and the word "pwns" in your signature.

    The great thing about running this site is that I have a mutual understanding with my audience. This section never talks down to them. I know, for example, that they understand the point of the Site Tracking/Email Adventures isn't so much to make fun of "people who criticize my website" as it is "internet stupidity". The "joke" of the RAU Gallery is both completely on and completely lost on people like Mr. Lemmy and his peers, even moreso than those who legitimately end up in this section without trying. When you are so willing to get upset over the dumbest things, including fictitious people being flamed, you will end up accomplishing nothing but making a fool of yourself in front of a LOT of real people...And Google.

    Comments from the RAU Gallery:
    Jack: What do you get when you put 6 trillion internet people in a single room?
    Taura: I don't know. What?
    Jack: A complete human brain.
    Tomi: I don't normally get involved in these stupid things, but I can't help it this time because I have to ask... How in the world can a webmaster be "imaginary"? It's true that we of the RAU are all just characters, but it's not like The Overlord FO herself is imaginary. Someone has to be updating the site, right?
    Taura: Remember that phony Quenton Tarantino blog that was outed as being fake, and instead of admitting to it, the person running it pretended it was hacked so he wouldn't have to fess up? Same deal. If this "Bryan" guy is caught doing something stupid, he can just claim it's not really him, but an imaginary webmaster he made up. Most likely Lemmy and Bryan are one and the same.
    Jack: Except that we didn't even "catch" him "doing" anything, since there is no "Bryan" in any of the Site Tracking or Email Adventures.
    Tomi: This conversation is going in circles. We already established that.
    Robin: Well, let's change its course with another Port Saiid compilation. I figured since we've seen enough stupidity, it might be nice to revisit the postings of a very well-educated person with a great sense of humor.
    Taura: Fine with me, Robin. This is always the best part of these anyway.


  • THE RAU GALLERY PRESENTS:
    Facilitypro's Greatest Hits


    (If you'd like to set this to music, click above.)




















    (If I made a Top 10 Favorite All-Time Port Saiid Posts List, this would definitely be on it.)






























    Jack: Muppet Fetus needs to be made into a real show.
    Taura: Watch it, Jack. People have already suggested we should do "RAU Babies".
    Jack: Look, lady, things don't happen just because we say them out loud. This is the Rare And Uncensored Gallery, not the Word Association Alive Gallery, and furthermore...
    Nucleo: Hi, friends. I seem to have misplaced a binder. It's green and has my notes from the Archaeology Sketch inside of it, so if you see it...
    Jack: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! I'm outta here! I ain't gettin' turned into an infant!!
    Nucleo: ??? What... what's with him?
    Taura: Uh, Nucs... Your avatar...
    Nucleo: Oh, ha ha ha! Silly me! Must've put the wrong one on there this morning. Typed that nasty little "2" as a "3".
    Taura: Mm-hm. And Dr. Abirok, I think you made the same mistake.
    Preston: No, I just feel like being younger today.
    Taura: *sigh*
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