In Case of WTF, Break Glass

Grimmora School Juice Bar
Honen: Hello, bartender, I'd like to order a drink pleaze.
Sesa: Sure, Dr. Calzoun, what can I get for you?
Honen: ... Mr. Markino? You're ze bartender tonight?
Sesa: Oh, yeah. I run this place when I'm staying here. Gotta earn my keep. Heh. Say, do you like the lanterns I put up?

Honen: What? Ze lanterns? Oh yes, they are nice. Very...how you say...atmospheric.
Sesa: So, what will it be?
Honen: Perhaps a banana milkshake?
Sesa: Allright, hold on one moment. Bishop, did you get that?

Bishop: BANANA! E. T. A. ~ 10 SECONDS!
Honen: Ce qui dans le monde?
Honen:
Sesa: Oh...sorry about that, Honen. Bishop's new here and doesn't always get things right...Here, let me get you a towel.
Honen: Aye, yai, yai...
Deuce: Hey, Markino, I need another drink over here!
Honen: Deuce? What are you doing here? I thought you were out looking for ze stolen moonbuggy with Mr. Forrester.
Deuce: We were out looking for it, but we lost the trail and had to come back. Tomes is pretty bummed out about it and I'm trying my best to avoid him right now.
Honen: Ah, I see. I suppose you'll just have to make new one?
Deuce: Yeah, I suppose. Dammit! Markino!!
Sesa: With all due respect, Deuce, I think you've had enough for one night.
Deuce: What?? I didn't even drink anything with alcohol in it.
Sesa: No, but you haven't paid for anything yet, either.
Honen: Oh, let her have one more, Mr. Markino. I will pay for it.
Sesa: Allright. Bishop! One more bottle of cola, please!

Bishop: COLA! E. T. A. ~ 30 SECONDS!
Deuce: Well, that was nice of you, Honen. Thanks.
Honen: Iz nothing, Ms. Koma. I'll go sit somewhere else and stop bothering you now.
Deuce: No, wait. Why don't you stay and talk with me for awhile? I like hearing your voice. You have such a lovely accent.
Honen: What, what? Are you serious? Most people say I am almost impossible to understand...You're not trying to make fun of me, are you?
Deuce: Of course not! I don't have a sense of humor.
Honen: Neither really do I.
Deuce: Wow. I guess we do have something in common. ... Oh, look out!
Deuce: Are you allright?
Honen: Aghyaghygrrr. Yes, I suppose I'm fine.
Deuce: Allright. Hmmm...I look kind of hostile and gritty in my avatar, don't I? I see that you've changed yours. Give me a moment...
Honen: You don't have to do dat on my accou...
Deuce: Is that a little better?
Honen: ...I suppose...You know, um...Maybe I could help you out with ze moonbuggy problem. If you must build new one...I have my old battlearmor, but it got fried. You can scrap it for parts if you like.
Deuce: You know, I've had this terrible crush on Professor McRaven for a long time now...
Honen: ...I hope dat's ze drink talking...
Deuce: No, it's true. I avoid him like the plague...but I think I might be getting over it finally.
Honen: Well, dat's good, I suppose. He iz married mountaindevil...So, does dat mean things are going better between you and Mr. Forrester now?
Deuce: No. It means that...maybe, I've finally found someone else...
Honen: Oh. Really? Who?
Deuce: ...
Honen:
Deuce:
Honen: Gah! Agh. Gah...Ayeiiiiieee!!!

*falls* *CRASH!* *THUD!!*

Deuce: Honen!! Are you allright?
Honen: Yes! I'm fine! Don't touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME!! Gah! I go now. Here, Markino, keep ze change! AyeyaiyaiYAI!
Deuce: Honen!! Honen, wait...I didn't mean to... *sigh*
Sesa: Is everything allright? What happened?
Deuce: I scared him off.
Sesa: Why'd you do that? Did he try something funny?
Deuce: No! Not at all...of course he didn't. I was just...ugh. That's the story of my life and men, basically.
Sesa: I am so confused.
Deuce: I get stuck with the men I can't stand and the ones I like...are either married or insane.
Sesa: Ones you like? Are you saying...you have interest in Honen? Dr. Honen Calzoun?
Deuce: Yeah, and so what if I do? Do you have a problem with that?
Sesa: No...I just wouldn't have guessed.

...

He's a little toothy...

Deuce: So? I've seen far worse. You people really need to get off this planet more.

Nucleo: Just do whatever you can to get him out of there. He won't talk to me, he won't talk to Preston. You're our last shot.
Zumo: What's the big deal? Do you people really need to use the shower that badly? Can't you just wait until he's done?
Preston: He's not taking a shower. He's sitting hunched against the wall in the shower stall, fully-clothed, with the water turned on him full blast. If Crow sees him like that, who knows what he'll make of it.
Zumo: Oh, allright. Sheesh. Lotta good that vacation did.
Honen:
Zumo: Hello, friend. What's going on?
Honen: Go away, wretched worm!! I am taking a shower!!
Zumo: My, my, my, the hostility.
Honen: Well, what you expect? I am evil dictator and you are my lackey! I treat you same way dat all megalomaniacal villains treat their subordinates!
Zumo: Usually you wait until after I've done something to piss you off first.
Honen: You walked in on me in ze shower! Dat's reason enough!
Zumo: Uh-huh. A shower. Right. So did you forget to take your clothes off or are you trying to kill the laundry with one stone here?
Honen: ... Leave me be...pleaze.
Zumo: Oh, come on, big fella. You're gonna catch pneumonia again doing this.
Honen: Can you go get me change of clothes?
Zumo: Yeah, sure.
Nucleo: Well, what happened?
Zumo: Honen's like a big kid sometimes. Well, more like all the time, but anyway, I have to get him some dry clothes. I would just go about your business and don't worry about him anymore right now.
Preston: Allright. If you need any help, let us know.
Honen: ??? There iz not one towel in here...I should have told Zumo to bring a dry towel, too... Verdammen! WHY ARE THERE NO TOWELS IN HERE?!?

Bishop: TOWEL! E. T. A. ~ 10 SECONDS!

Honen: Gah!! Stop doing dat!!!

Zumo: So, what in the world was that all about? Do you want the shrink to declare you insane and have you thrown out or locked up?
Honen: Do not take authoritative tone with me, worm! You can't scare me dat way because I know Dr. Abirok would never do such a thing. Besides, I have dirt on him dat I could use if he tried.
Zumo: What could you possibly have on Dr. Abirok?
Honen: He's in love with Aurora.
Zumo: Oh, come on, everyone knows that.
Honen: Everyone but Aurora.
Zumo: Are you gonna tell me or not?
Honen: It'z ze mercenary girl. She has crush on me...
Zumo: Uh-gh-huh, what? Deuce Koma? Has a crush? On YOU? YOU?!

...

pfff...heh heh...

Ha ha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Honen:
Zumo: Oh, c'MON! What could possibly make you think that?
Honen: She tried to kiss me in ze juice bar earlier tonight.
Zumo: She was drunk.
Honen: No. She did not have any alcoholic drinks. Mr. Markino can testify to dat, and...Wait a minute, what makes you think I can't possibly be attractive to someone?
Zumo: Maybe to another Oni...but even that would just be proof that your species is kicked in the head.
Honen: I should kick YOU in ze head! ... No, it makes sense. It all makes perfect sense. Deuce and I are almost same age, same height, and both like technology. Maybe it makes too much sense.
Zumo: No. No it doesn't. She's a cop. You're a criminal. And what happens when she returns to her home planet? And what about her partner? Hold on a minute...that's it. That's gotta be it.
Honen: What iz? Speak, worm!
Zumo: Her relationship with Tomi has been very rocky. She's probably just using you to make him jealous. Common quarreling lovers cliché.
Honen: You think so?
Zumo: Without a doubt.
Honen: How dare she use me like dat! Zis Oni iz no one's toy!! Bah! Zit! Iz just as well. I not get involved with anyone like dat ever again. Never. I learned dat lesson with Leona. I have world-conquering to do. We should leave zis place now.
Zumo: And go where?
Honen: Who cares? Anywhere iz better than here. Pack your things. We leave tonight after everyone else iz asleep.

12:15 AM, School Den
Talon:

Hm, hm, hm, hm.


*slash*

Hm, hm, hmmmm...hm, hmm.


*slash*

Honen: GIYAAA!!!! Watch it, you stupid mountaindevil child!!!
Talon: Dr. Calzoun!! Sorry. I was just practicing some sword techniques. I wouldn't have hit you, and I'm not even using real swords. Just wasn't expecting anyone.
Honen: Practicing in ze middle of ze night?? Shouldn't you be asleep??
Talon: Yeah. I guess you can't sleep either, huh?
Honen: Uhhhh...yes, yes, I suppose dat's it.
Preston: Fellas, can you keep it down a little? You don't want to wake up the entire establishment.
Honen: ???? What ze hell are you doing over there?
Preston: Research.
Honen: In ze middle of ze night, you crazy shrink?!?!
Preston: Why not? Ever since I was a teenager I'd come down here and read on the sofa until I fell asleep.
Honen: Don't you have a room?
Preston: Yes, but I like it here more.
Honen: This iz so...bizarre...
Deuce: Honen? Is that you?...I wanted to talk to you...
Honen: Hai-che-ya!! You, too?! Why should I worry about keeping voice down? Seems no one sleeps around here.
Deuce: I couldn't sleep. I was too upset about what happened earlier...
Zumo: Hey, boss, I've got my things. I'm ready to go and, uh...oh boy.
Deuce: Ready to go? Honen, are you going somewhere?
Honen: No...I mean yes! YES! I am leaving! And I don't care what any of you think! You cannot stop me. GOODBYE!!!
Deuce: Honen! Wait! Come back! ... I better go after him.
Talon: That's weird. I wonder what's up with them?
Preston: I don't know. Zumo?
Zumo: ...

Honen: Stop following me, you wicked woman! You cannot stop me from leaving!
Deuce: I don't want you to leave just because of what I did.
Honen: Well, you should know better than to use ME to make YOUR stupid partner jealous! Nobody uses me dat way! Zis Oni iz no one's plaything!!
Deuce: What!? I wasn't using you to make Tomi jealous. I would never do anything like that to anyone. Why should I even care if Tomi gets jealous or not? I legitimately don't like him.
Honen: ... Really? Then why?
Deuce: Because...I sort of like you. And when you bought me that drink...I thought it meant that maybe you liked me, too.
Honen: ... Oh ... I see. I am sorry to have led you on, Ms. Koma, but ze reason I bought your drink iz because I had headache and didn't want to hear you and Mr. Markino shout at each other all night.
Deuce: ... I see.
Honen: Zis is why I should be villain and not be nice to people. I hurt people more when I'm nice. I, um...really should go now. ... Where iz dat wretched worm?
Deuce: I still don't want you to leave. Where will you go? What will you do?
Honen: Ms. Koma, iz just not working out for me here. I'll survive. I've always been survivor.
Deuce: .... Dammit, man! What the hell was I thinking? What did I ever see in you? You're just a big, spoiled-rotten crybaby. One little thing doesn't go your way and it's all "OMG! Temper tantrum! Whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch! *Boo-hoo!!* I'm running away from home!" Well, screw you and good riddance! It'll save us on diaper costs.
Honen: WHAAAAAAAT?! How dare you insult me!!! What makes you think I give crap about your opinion of me?! Of all ze arrogant nerve! I should make you pay me back for dat drink!
Deuce: Fine! I'll pay you back. With interest. No way I'd want to accept charity from a shark-faced doughboy who braids his hair and wears a hat with an obvious phallic symbol.
Honen: Iz called a horn you stupid she-man-girl-thing! Iz nowhere near as bad as dat valkyrie suit you wore in ze 80's!

At least I didn't have to go through complete redesign.

Deuce: That was low. That was lure-fishing in the pickle jar, Jabberjaws. You've really pissed me off now...I'm gonna...I'm gonna...
Honen: You're gonna what? I am blackbelt. You iz nothing without your weapons and you don't have them right now.
Deuce: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT A SPACE MARINE IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT, WITH OR WITHOUT ANY WEAPONS!!
Honen: Put up or shut up, man-girl!!! Whatever it iz you want to do, I DARE YOU TO GO AHEAD AND TRY IT!!
Deuce: ALLRIGHT THEN, I WILL BECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!
Honen: W-w-w-w-wait, wait, wait! What you doing? Whoah!!
Deuce: Now THAT'S the Honen Calzoun I find so goddamn attractive!
Honen: GYAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!

Preston: Zumo!! Mr. Zumo!! Let go of me at once!
Zumo: No! NO! NO!! I'm not letting you get him!! I know he's insane, but you can't lock him up!! Do you realize how hard it is for a sentient worm to get along in this world on his own??
Preston: By the constellations, how many times do I have to tell you? I am NOT going to lock him up, and nor do I think Honen is insane. But there's a lot of yelling going on over there and I'd like very much to check on the situation.
Zumo: I DON'T TRUST YOU!!!
Talon: Come on, Zumo...let go...of Dr. Abirok! You can't hold him down...forever!
Zumo: No, but I can stall him until Honen has a chance to run!
Preston: We clearly have a lack of communication here...GAH!!!
Talon: Um. Oops. Sorry about that, Dr. Abirok...
Preston: This is so humiliating.
Honen: Merde! Maudit! Moodozvon!
Zumo: Honen! There you are!
Honen: ....
Zumo: What's wrong? Aren't you going to make a break for it?
Honen: ....

Iz zis...what you do when I turn my back?

Zumo: Is what?
Honen: Iz it just ze doctor you do zis to, or iz it everyone? Just need to know if I should maybe lock my door at night.
Zumo: Hey, man, I was trying to help you.
Honen: How? By making me feel better about my romantic ventures upon seeing how screwed-up yours are?
Preston: Oh for Leohtiss's sake, just get him off of me, Honen.
Zumo: Allright! Allright! You'd think you've never had a giant worm wrapped around your legs before.
Preston: I haven't.
Zumo: Oh. I guess not...That's an interesting birthmark you have there.
Preston: Just get off of me, now.
Zumo: Yeah, uh...look, um...I'm sorry about all this. I just, uh, get a little nervous sometimes...I mean, Honen's a jerk and all, but he is my friend...uh...You understand, right?
Preston: Mr. Zumo, might I suggest getting a good night's sleep and cutting back a little on your caffeine intake?
Zumo: So, you're not gonna have me committed, then?
Preston: Of course not.
Zumo: Oh, thanks. That's a relief.
Preston: Besides...I have no idea how I'd even fit you into a straight jacket.
Zumo: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Don't let him get me, Honen!!!
Preston: Mr. Zumo, wait! Come back! It was just a joke! Oh, dear...
Honen: Don't worry, doctor. I'll deal with him. You and Mr. Kyradius just have a good evening, okay?
Talon: That was great!!
Preston: *sigh* I am so terrible.

Zumo: So, what happened? Did you change your mind about leaving?
Honen: Maybe. For now. Ze mercenary girl really does have crush on me.
Zumo: I don't believe that.
Honen: Iz true. She tried to kiss me again.
Zumo: Did she actually touch you? Is that what all that screaming was about?
Honen: Well, I sort of dared her to do it, so iz hard for me to complain.
Zumo: I still think she must either be drunk or trying to make Tomi jealous.
Honen: Look, you may not think much of me, worm, but iz not hard to believe others would. I am Oni perfection, if I do say so myself.
Zumo: Pfft. Yeah, whatever, look is this the reason you changed your mind? You're not seriously falling for her, are you?
Honen: Of course not! I stopped her from kissing me by promising not to leave if she'd back off.
Zumo: What?! Dude, I think you really are getting soft. You don't have to make compromises with these people. You're a villain! If you want to leave, then leave. Do as you please!
Honen: Trust me, worm, I am doing what I want. I will leave when time iz right, but I couldn't now because ze situation iz... partially my fault, too, and I just couldn't do to her what Leona did to me. I may be villain, but I'm not dat type of villain.
Zumo: ... Okay, you're the boss. But next time you tell me to pack my things, you better REALLY be serious about leaving, or else I'll make you pack them. You don't know how difficult it is for someone without arms and hands to do that. Well, see you tomorrow.
Honen: *soupir* ...Ah, drat!! I forgot. I packed my things and dropped suitcase down in ze den. I have to go all ze way back down there to...

Bishop: SUITCASE! E. T. A. ~ 5 SECONDS!

Honen: CARAMBA!!! DON'T YOU EVER SLEEP, EITHER?!?!?!

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