|FO: "Dear Flying Omelette,
As a native of Arizona, I was deeply insulted by the recent jokes on your front page and in the RAU Gallery. Please kindly remove them before more people get offended. Thanx!
I deeply apologize for the rambling antics of RAU Gallery cast member, Jack Sheen. We never meant to imply that everyone in Arizona always has the same facial expressions. We have since learned that, despite the credibility of our sources, this is actually only true of New Jersey, Illinois, and about half of Oregon.
We are also sorry for suggesting that truant officers make a loud "BAM" noise when you walk past them, and for misleading our readers into believing that you can carry 230 rolls of toilet paper in 2 shopping bags and eggs instantly become fried eggs upon hitting a house. (We especially apologize for all the trouble that last bit of misinformation caused. Don't worry, Sweetbee, I will personally pay for the damages CB007 incurred to your home.)
We here at FlyingOmelette.com promise to uphold the causes of truth and justice, and to never stoop to this level of depravity for a cheap laugh ever again.
We assure you that for his miscreant activities, Mr. Jack Sheen will get A FINE, PLUS DETENTION AND COMMUNITY SERVICE, and his "Arizona Jack" persona will never be used again.
The Overlord FO
Now please enjoy this perfectly wholesome RAU sketch that I hope will make up for our earlier shortcomings.
|Tomi: I just don't get it, Deuce. How can you truly love Honen?|
|Deuce: Tomes, do you really want this to turn into one of those webcomics where people do nothing but talk incessantly about their boring relationships all the time?|
|Tomi: It's not a webcomic.|
|Tomi: C'mon! This is Jabberjaws, Sharkface, Doughboy, Moptop we're talking about here! Don't you remember how much you hated each other?|
|Deuce: Honen's evolved a lot since then.|
|Tomi: Well, he has the slight semblance of a neck now, but other than that...|
|Deuce: Do I have to keep reminding you, Tomes? Do you not think you've changed any since the days of wearing underwear on your head?|
|Tomi: Well, yeah, but.... .... What's that noise?|
|Deuce: What noise?|
|Tomi: You don't hear it? Like a siren...|
|Lukyan: EVEN THE PASSENGER HAS A HEAD|
|Tomi: ... Well, fuck!|
Now that Arizona Jack has been retired, there's a new law in town... He is the one called...
State Troop Luke
State Troop Luke.
His law cannot be contained to the borderline.
He is there to stop kids from ripping off popular Saturday Night Live sketches.
He will materialize out of the nighttime sky with his magical floating dog if you break curfew.
And he is over 9 fucking feet tall!!
State Troop Luke
|Oskillian Mountain Caves|
|Nucleo: Yes, dear, what is it?|
|Image: I was wondering if you'd come snuggle with me. |
|Nucleo: Oh, sure, dove. Just give me a second...|
|Lukyan: YOU NEED A HELMET, EYE PROTECTION AND A PERMISSION SLIP|
|Nucleo: *cough* I wasn't planning to play rough. |
|Chance: Admit it. You sat at your keyboard for about 15 minutes trying to decide if you really wanted to go through with that or not.|
|Chance: Good to know we're still taking time to think things through.|
|He'll never make any enemies, enemies, no. He won't complain if he's caught in a freeze. He'll always ask, he'll always say please. Beautiful loser, never take it all. 'Cause it's easier and faster when you fall. You just don't need it all.