ADVENTURES IN SITE TRACKING 16
R Domain is Your Domain

Every now and then I see links in my site tracker to these websites that give you a supposed "report" about things like keywords, site info, back links, page rank, and such. Usually these things are mildly informative at best and pointless at worst, and never really worth mentioning, but this one was so ridiculously preposterous, I had to call it out:


Site Tracking Adventure #16, October 3, 2010

There's a lot to digest, so I'll just use the handy-dandy PrintScreen key to dive right into the meaty parts:

It looks to me like the way this site works is that it highlights the terms it thinks are relevant to your site in green, and the ones it thinks are not relevant in red. So, according to r-domain.net, there is nothing retro on Flyingomelette.com, no shrines, no music or trivia, and apparently, they also don't find us very funny as "humor" is also irrelevant. They also misspelled "description" the second time.

Apparently, there is no retrogaming or videogames whatsoever on FlyingOmelette.com. If you're seeing videogames on FlyingOmelette.com, especially older ones, it's just your imagination. Also, I guess the RAU Gallery isn't actually a sketch comedy according to them. I'd like to know what they do consider it to be.

This one's really hilarious! It's supposed to determine the relevance of the anchor text to the pages they're linked to. So, r-domain.net doesn't think that my HyperZone shrine is really about a game called "HyperZone". Funny how "shrine" is suddenly in green now, even though they claimed earlier that shrines were not relevant to this site. They also seem to think that my Silent Hill 2 review link doesn't actually go to a review about Silent Hill 2, and that there are no cartoons in Cartoon Corner, and that Ray is not actually in the Real Ghostbusters episode entitled, "Look Homeward, Ray". I guess Honen Calzoun's scrapbook doesn't actually contain any information related to Honen Calzoun. Hell, judging by the number of red words there, it would appear I've been workng really hard at pulling the wool over my readers' eyes all these years. I might need to stock up on some more sheep at the rate I'm going.

Scroll down a bit more and there are these ridiculous "warnings" about how I've coded my page. I have no idea what "'<' + '/' + letter not allowed here" means, but I think it's reasonable for me to say that as the owner of this domain, only *I* get to determine if something is allowed here or not.

I'll bet those three extra words really made their heads explode. At least Kevin Malone from The Office would get a laugh out of the total. And who exactly decided an arbitrary set of numbers like 40 and 66?

What the hell is a "serpate" file? And as for css, thanks, but no thanks. HTML has worked fine for 15 years, I'm sure it'll work fine for another 15 or more. And who seriously still uses dial-up?

An ideal page isn't created by idiots who want to control the internet.

I couldn't resist seeing what this site had to say about the main RAU Gallery subdomain page.

That's great. FlyingOmelette isn't relevant, despite that it's in the damn URL!

Well, I guess that says it all, folks. Aside from how completely randomly it seems to decide what is and isn't relevant, I also love how sometimes Honen and Nucleo are relevant and other times, they're not. But if I had to pick my absolute favorite part, it's that "fire" is more relevant to the "Breath of Fire 2 Cats" sketch than the actual cats are.

Bonus Site Tracking Nonsense!

Search engines seem to be completely incapable of telling the difference between "The Guardian Legend" and "Legend of the Guardians". Beyond all of those, my #1 search term was "flying squirrels". Talk about keyword relevancy.

Comments from the RAU Gallery:
Chance: Out of curiosity I checked what that "r-domain" place had to say about Port Saiid, and it pretty much does the same thing, even though the coding is not ours. I wonder what sites would receive a perfect score? Even the almighty Google has a bunch of "warnings" and "mistakes".
Christopher: I thought the whole point of HTML was to be easy and simple enough for anyone to learn and use it. Who is seriously willing to spend hours going through lines of code looking for all of these supposed "errors" that aren't going to make a difference to the way the website looks or works?
Jack: Better question: Who the hell made that site? Mandor Globber?
_____:
Chance: Ummm..?
Jack: Yo. What's up with the blank spot?
Christopher: Lol. Maybe we really do have HTML errors here.
Chance: No, that's not it. Honen was supposed to have a line in this sketch, but he's not here.
Jack: Damn, man, what the hell is up with Dr. Tufts lately? He's showing up less and less for rehearsals, and now he's not even here when we're live!
Chance: Well, this is what happens when the Overlord is no longer around to keep things running smoothly.
Christopher: We should probably go look for him.

Grimmora University Computer Lab
Deuce: Hey, Honen. I brought us some stuff from the cafeteria. Ya hungry? I certainly am.
Honen: Merci, Rosalyn, I am quite famished. Been working on zis printer all night long und iz still not functioning properly.
Deuce: Nothing around here works anymore. About 20 computers in this place and not a damn CD or DVD tray that reads.
Honen: Hmph. Ze science department... iz severely underfunded. Suppose dat's what to expect from school dat values magic over technology.
Deuce: Hmm... you might have a point.
Honen: Wirklich? Surprized you didn't get offended.
Deuce: Honen, these people are my friends, but you're right. Headmaster Crow purposefully underfunds the science and archaeology departments because they're of no interest to him. I'm sure Nucleo and Lizaki would agree.
Honen: We should build our own lab. If only I had way of salvaging my old equipment from ze islands...
Deuce: If there was a way to do that, I'd...
Honen: Dump me like Leona did?
Deuce: Dammit! No! That's not what I was going to say. Please stop doing that!
Honen: Doing what?
Deuce: Finishing my sentences. You've been doing it a lot lately. Whatever it is, it's always wrong and it's always something about this "Leona" person.
Honen: Je suis désolé. I'm just having difficulties reconciling everyting in my past. She went from liking me to hating me, you went from hating me to liking me. Iz any wonder I'm so confused?
Deuce: Who is Leona anyway? Maybe it would help if you'd tell me.
Honen: What? You not go back and read ze older sketches yet?
Deuce: I can't break the fourth wall as easily as some of you can.
Honen: Ach. Never mind. I need to concentrate on fixing zis...
Chance: Honen! There you are. Why didn't you show up for your part in today's Site Tracking Adventure?
Honen: Hmph. Too busy with my work in here right now. Besides, ze line I was supposed to say was stupidé.
Jack: That's no excuse. I've had to say tons of stupid lines for this series. If I skipped out on a sketch, I'd be in deep shit.
Honen: With whom? There's no more Overlord. Und couldn't you just get someone else to make ze dumb comment about ze dumb website?
Deuce: Guys, we are a little busy here. Honen gets a bit overused in these sketches, even when he has other responsibilities going on. Maybe you should find someone in the cast who hasn't been used as much, or take the opportunity to bring on a guest speaker.
Jack: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Seems every time he goes missing he turns up with you.
Deuce: Um... we work together.
Christopher: Dr. Calzoun's a crowd pleaser. That's why we like to use him so much.
Deuce: You're spreading him too thin.
Chance: ... Alright, I'll let it go for now. But the next time you're too busy with other projects, let us know beforehand so we can recast your part, okay, Honen?
Honen: Wir haben ein Abkommen, Mr. Tomasaro.
Chance: I'll...take that as a "yes". C'mon, Jack, Christopher, let's go finish the sketch.
Jack: Yeah, okay. Still think she just wants him to herself, but what do I know?
Deuce: Sheesh. No wonder we never get anything done.
Honen: You iz lifesaver, Rosalyn. You have my gratitude.
Deuce: Oh, no problem. But you know... Jack's kind of right...
Honen: Hmm?
Deuce: I mean, I do think you get unfairly overloaded sometimes, I wasn't just saying that, but... I also like being with you and...
Honen: I know. Iz same for me.
Deuce: Uh, what? What do you mean by that?
Honen: Be honest, Rosalyn. If you had choice between saying one stupid line in a sketch or being in zis sweltering computer lab all day, fighting with piece of junk printer dat's beyond repair to receive your paycheck, which would you choose?
Deuce: Well...when you put it that way... But then why...?
Honen: You weren't in ze sketch today, but you were working here, so... choice was easy to make.
Deuce: Wait. Are you saying you played hooky not because you had too much other work goin', but because... you wanted to be with me?
Christopher: Yup, I think that's what he's saying, alright.
Honen: What ze hell?? What are you still doing here, desert-elf? You were supposed to go back to ze sketch!
Christopher: This is more interesting.
Honen: What Ms. Koma and I discuss iz absolutely none of your business, und I suggest you get out of here before I trip ze alarm!
Christopher: O-kaayyy...I'm sowwwwy! I'll go now.
Honen: Verdammen! Zis place iz full of voyeurs.
Deuce: So, is it true, then? You really did want to be with me today?
Honen: I've said before I enjoy being with you. What makes you think I lie?
Deuce: I didn't say you were lying. It just seems... strange. I didn't think you actually cared about me.
Honen: Do you not want me to care about you?
Deuce: No, of course I don't want you to not care about me... Oh dammit, too many double negatives there. I like that you care, it's just that I wasn't expecting you to because I didn't think you ever would.
Honen: So, let me get zis straight. You fell in love with me believing dat I could never possibly love you back, and yet you continued to pursue zis love knowing dat you wouldn't ever be loved in return. Iz dat what you're saying?
Deuce: Maybe.
Honen: Dat iz not healthy.
Deuce: Darlosians don't get physically sick, so we have to make up for it in the mental department, I guess.
Honen: Heh. You say you have no sense of humor.
Deuce: I dunno. I thought you were one of those kinds of scientists who, like... loves his work more than anything else and didn't have any interest in love.
Honen: Uh-huh. Dat's called a "stereotype". Iz dat all you think I am iz stereotype?
Deuce: ...I'm sorry.
Honen: You don't have to apologize, but maybe ze reason I keep assuming you're like Leona iz becauze you keep assuming I'm someting I'm not, too.
Deuce: That's why I'm glad we have this time alone together. We really need to talk more.
Honen: Hm. Agreed. But you know... I could try not to care about you, but I can't make any guarantees about it.
Deuce: ... Heh. Honen.
Talon: Hey, uh...do you guys like... want me to leave, too? I'm, um...not real sure what to do here...
Deuce: EEYAAGH!! Talon! What are you doing back there??
Talon: I was using the computer to do my homework. I was here before you guys walked in, and well... it's like you never acknowledged my presence, so...
Honen: Mr. Kyradius, if you are finished with your schoolwork zen perhaps you can go fill in for my part in ze sketch?
Talon: R-r-really?? You want m-me to fill in for y-you?
Honen: Only if you can stop stuttering long enough to say ze line.
Talon: Oh, of course, sir! I'm sorry. I just get a little nervous sometimes. I mean, you have pretty big shoes to fill... Er, um, sandals.. Um, OH! NOT that your feet are all that big or anything, especially when... when... compared to my own, of course. I mean, I've got rather large... heck, I can't even wear sandals... let alone...
Honen: Mr. Kyradius, pleaze just get going!
Talon: Y-Yes, sir! Right away, sir!
Honen: *soupir* Still say dat child iz not playing with full deck upstairs.
Deuce: Give him a break. He's anxious around you because he looks up to you.
Honen: Really? Guess I hadn't noticed.

Meanwhile, Back at the Auditorium
Chance: So, where did we leave off, again?
Jack: I asked who made that website? Mandor Globber?
Talon: I don't know, but I just flew in all the way from Manhattan and boy are my arms tired.
Chance: .....................
Christopher: .....................
Talon: What?
Jack: WTF, dude??
Talon: That was the line.
Jack: What line?
Talon: The line Honen was supposed to say. That's exactly what's written on the cue card, see?
Jack: I guess I can no longer blame him for skipping out on that, then...
Talon: Maybe I just didn't say it right. I don't have his accent, so...
Chance: Trust me, it's not your accent.
Robin: Suppose now is as good a time as any for me to butt in with my usual routine. What do you say, guys?
Chance: As long as it's better than that "joke".
Robin: I'm sure it will be. Roll film, Gordon!

THE RAU GALLERY PRESENTS:
MaskedSheik's Greatest Hits


(If you'd like to set this to music, click above.)







(One of the Greatest Analogies I've Ever Seen)









































MaskedSheik vs. FlyingOmelette.com & CodieKitty.com Search Strings











Deuce: Man, I can see why you didn't want to be in that sketch. That line was awful.
Honen: Ze line was stupidé, but reason I refused iz still more becauze I wanted to work in ze lab with you.
Deuce: Okay. Well, if you need my help with that printer...
Talon: I liked how 6 of those "Greatest Hits" topics referenced this series.
Deuce: Talon, what are you doing back here?
Talon: I don't know...


...but I just flew in from Manhattan and BOY are MY ARMS tired!

Deuce: It still doesn't work.
Talon: Really? Ah, darn. I could have sworn it was my delivery. Maybe I need to work on it just a little bit more.
Honen: Pleaze don't.
Talon: Is it horrible to admit that I laughed when I first read the cue card?
Honen: Yes.
Talon: Oh...I guess I still have a lot to learn.

This is a town where everyone is reachin' for the top. This is a place where second best will never do. It's O.K. you want to shine, but once you step across that line, no matter where you hide I'm comin' after you.

DISCUSS THIS SKETCH IN THE RAU GALLERY FORUM

GO FORWARD TO ADVENTURES IN EMAIL #3: A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS

GO BACK TO SITE TRACKING ADVENTURE #15: SPAM AND EGGS

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