Archaeological Thingamobobical Part 4:
Attack of the Drones

In the last episode of the RAU Gallery, Professor Nucleo McRaven and Image Arcane finally met up with Dr. Honen Calzoun and Cirrus. After learning that the lizardman warrior Loro was not a threat, they traveled to his junkyard home, where they discovered that the Anti-Virus is taking over the entire hard drive. Finding a way to stop it is their only option if they wish to survive and return to their normal time period.

Honen: Professor? Where you think you're going?
Nucleo: I want you to rest here, Honen. Image and I will take care of the anti-virus program and come back for you.
Honen: But dat iz too dangerous!! You could be wiped out by ze Anti-Viruses!! You need my help!
Nucleo: Our magic and fighting skills are more than enough to deal with it, Honen. I promise that we will not abandon you, but you're not well enough to go with us.
Loro: Can you watch Cirrus for me? I am going with them so I can run a search for "Danté Razeena" from the Control Panel, and I would prefer not to take her into hazardous territory.
Honen: I am mad scientist, not babysitter.
Image: Trust Honen with a child? You've gotta be crazy. That's like feeding her to a lion.
Honen: What you mean by dat? I am not child abuser, you fiery wench!
Loro: Then she'll be allright with you. You have my gratitude, Dr. Calzoun.
Honen: Grrrghghgh... Fine! Have fun! Don't get killed and everything.

*soupir* What, oh, what have I become?


Honen: Verdammen! Zis place iz too crowded with junk. Makes me nervous. Iz miracle dat crazy lizardman doesn't lose you in here.
Cirrus: ...
Honen: Hmmm... What iz with you? Why don't you speak? How can you be so comfortable around me? Don't you know I am ze notorious Dr. Honen Calzoun? Future world conqueror, corrupt dictator, mad scientist...
Cirrus: ...
Honen: I guess you don't really understand. You just see that I look like you and iz all dat matters, huh?
Deuce (95): Hey! You!
Honen: Hai-che-ya!!! You again?! Lt. Koma! You're allright. I wazn't sure what happened to you after ze Megallon attacked us.
Deuce (95): Yeah, I'm fine. Takes more than that to stop me. Now why don't you tell me who you really... are?

Cirrus: ...
Honen: Cirrus? What's wrong?
Cirrus: ...
Honen: Iz nothing to be scared of now. Zis iz Lt. Rosalyn Koma. We are...old friends. She will not harm you.
Deuce (95): Is this girl your daughter?
Honen: Why does everyone keep asking dat? No, she iz not. I'm just watching her for now.
Deuce (95): I see. Maybe my Darlosian eyes are having trouble distinguishing Oni features. You look and sound so much like Honen Calzoun, but you can't possibly be him...
Honen: But I am.
Deuce (95): Then who was piloting the Megallon?
Honen: Me. Well, ze older version of me.
Deuce (95): Uh-huh. The time travel story again?
Honen: Iz truth. Don't know what else to say.
Deuce (95): Yeah. And in that alternate universe that exists in your head, I'm in love with you and told you my real name, is that correct?
Honen: Iz not in my head.
Deuce (95): And am I correct in assuming that you love me in this future of yours, too?
Honen: Why don't you just go away if you don't believe me? If you don't truly think I am Honen Calzoun and your business iz with him, then leave me be.
Deuce (95): I only wanted to know how you knew my name was Rosalyn. Eh, well, lotta people on this planet have psychic abilities, like Markino. You probably pulled it out of my head somehow.
Honen: If dat explanation satisfies you, then pleaze leave now. I think you're scaring Cirrus, anyway.
Cirrus: ...
Deuce (95): Yeah, okay, but you just watch yourself. I don't want to have to arrest a family man.
Honen: Aye, yai! She iz not my...

Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*
Deuce (95): What... is... that??

Honen: Great merde, femme folle! Glad I wasn't on ze receiving end for once...
Deuce (95): ... What was that thing...? Behind you!!!

Deuce (95): Damn, man!! Are you allright?
Honen: Yes, I am blackbelt, how many times have I told you...
Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*
Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*
Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*
Honen: More of them!!
Deuce (95): Where are they all coming from??
Honen: I dunno, but keep shooting them!!

Honen: You missed one!
Deuce (95): Look! Something weird's happening...




Deuce (95): ... tha hell'd it do that for?
Honen: Dunno, but I don't like it...

Deuce (95): !! My gun doesn't seem to be affecting it anymore!
Cirrus: ...

Honen: Cirrus!! Where are you going?? WAIT!!
Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*
Honen: Cirrus!! What ze hell...? Hey, don't chase her, you cheap pile of spaghetti code!! Over here, oof...
Honen: Grr-yrghh... Cirrus! Rosalyn!
Deuce (95): Hey!!
Honen: ? ? ? Iz it just my imagination or...iz it specifically targeting Cirrus??


Honen: Whaaaaaat???? Did dat Oni child... just do what I think she did...???
Deuce (95): Hey, you, Honen or whoever you are!! Could use some help here!
Honen: Of course! Be right back!
Deuce (95): What the...? The coward ran away! Boy, maybe he really is Honen Calzoun after...
Honen: Hey!! Up here!!
Deuce (95): What the hell?
Anti-Virus: *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*

Honen: Listen, you overgrown can opener! NEVER turn your back on ze great Dr. Honen Calzoun, you hear!!! Take ZIS!!!


Deuce (95): Oh, man...*cough*
Honen: Are you allright, Lt. Koma?
Deuce (95): Yeah. *cough* Peachy.
Honen: And Cirrus?
Cirrus: ...
Deuce (95): She looks okay to me. You know, I just wish I knew who you really are. I can kind of imagine liking you. I mean, as a friend, but...
Honen: But you still don't believe me?
Deuce (95): The Honen Calzoun I know is an arrogant putz I could never like, let alone love. And also, well, I've always thought he might be gay.
Honen: Who, me? Arrogant? Yes. Gay? No. Putz? Debatable.
Deuce (95): Hmm... Can't imagine why anyone who isn't Honen Calzoun would want to be him... !!
Honen: What iz it?
Deuce (95): I hear something...mechancial. I hope it's not another one of those...


Deuce (95): It's him again!! Is he following me or something?
Honen (95): Excuse me, Ms. Koma. Seems to have been some commotion over here. Hand over Professor McRaven to me und perhaps I'll let you live.
Deuce (95): McRaven's not here. We got separated awhile ago!
Honen (95): Uh-uh-uhhhhhh! Liar!! Ze Megallon's energy detectors just picked up on strong dark magic discharge in zis area. I know he's here! Now tell ze cowardly mountaindevil to show himself und not send stupid she-man-girl-thing to do man's work for him.
Honen: Okay, so maybe I am putz.
Deuce (95): Magical discharge? Does he mean...what that girl did?
Honen: An Oni with magical blood... maybe she really iz a glitch.
Honen (95): Time's up! I crush you now!!
Honen: Megallon! Begin auto-destruct sequence! Code #45790831! Passkey: "Leona Starling!"
Megallon: ... ... BEEP! Affirmative, Dr. Calzoun. Auto-destruct sequence initiated. Counting T-minus 30 seconds.

Honen (95): Wha-what...? Impossiblé!! How ze hell did dat wretched Oni do zis?? No, NO! You stupid machine!! Terminate auto-destruct sequence. Terminate!!
Honen: Megallon! Override last command! Switch termination sequence to manual only!
Megallon: Affirmative, Dr. Calzoun. Switching off voice-recognition system.
Honen (95): !! Uh... Great Skiva %@#$ing Cynoss!!! How ze %@#$ iz he doing dat!!! Aieek!!

GRHRARYARYARHGHGGHGHGHGHHHH!!! Not enough time to deactive it by hand... Abandon shiiiiiip!!!

Honen: Run, Rosalyn!!!
Deuce (95): ....Shit!!!





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