Archaeological Thingamobobical Part 2:
The Edge of Yesterday

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In the last episode of the RAU Gallery, Professor Nucleo McRaven's archaeology expedition team met with uncertain fate as they were sucked into a vortex that transported them into the ancient hard drive of a 1995 Acer computer. Deuce, Talon, and Cory arrive on the scene, but are they too late?

Deuce: Bubu! We're stopping here.
Bubu: But I don't see Professor McRaven or the others anywhere...
Deuce: No, I don't either, but that's definitely their equipment.
Cory: Amadeus!!! Im?! Are you here?!
Talon: Dr. Calzoun!? Dr. Arcane!? Anyone here?! ... I think they must be farther off in the caves. No one's answering.
Deuce: Let me take a look at the log files on their laptop. Maybe it'll explain where they went and what they're doing now.

Image: Nuclee? Nucleo, wake up!
Nucleo: Oh, damn. I feel dizzy... Im? Are you allright, m'love?
Image: Yes, but I think we're inside that old hard drive. The colors are all freaky here.
Nucleo: I see. Must have something to do with the system settings. Oh! Honen! Where is he?
Image: Nucleo, I don't know where he is, but...he was hit with a rocket...
Nucleo: We have to find him, Im.
Image: Nuclee, I'm sorry. It's too late for him now. We have to concentrate on finding a way out of here.
Nucleo: Honen sacrificed himself trying to save us. Even if he's d....

We have to find him.

Image: Okay, I understand. Maybe he survived it.
Nucleo: I pray to Great Skiva, Leohtiss, and Aira that he did.

Honen: .....



..? Professor? Professor!!! Ouch! *cough*

What happened? Oh, I remember now...dat mech...shot at me. I must be dead... No wait...

Honen: Rosalyn's dogtags... I forgot I was wearing them. They blocked ze rocket, dat iz why I am still alive. Okay dat makes very little sense, but who's complaining?

Ebanashka! If only I could've cut ze final wire in time! Verdammen! Why didn't I think to use my sword?! Grghyrgh!!

I must've gotten sucked into ze old Acer hard drive... But where are Professor McRaven and Dr. Arcane? I guess I should try looking for them. Iz only 4 gig drive. Shouldn't take too long...

Ouch! *cough* *hack* Except... apparently, I am more injured by rocket than originally realized. *soupir*

???: Allright, Doughboy, I've got you now. Hands up where I can see them.
Honen: ???? What ze hell...??
???: I said put them up or I'm gonna blow your head off.
Honen: Uh...Rosalyn??? What are you doing here...?
Deuce (?): Rosalyn?? H-how...How did you know my real name??
Honen: Rosalyn, don't you recognize me? Colors are a little off here, but still...
Deuce (?): Of course I recognize you, Sharkface! I don't know how you found out my real name, but it's not gonna save your marshmallow hide...
Honen: Aye, yai! Rosalyn, wait! I... don't understand... Why you want to shoot me? Don't you remember dat you told me your name? And you gave me your dogtags?
Deuce (?): I never told you anything and those aren't my dogtags!
Honen: Well, they got blown up by rocket, so they're less recognizable now, but they are yours...and...Rosalyn, don't you remember saying dat you love me?
Deuce (?): What?! ME love YOU?!? Have you gone insane, Calzoun?? Do you seriously think you're getting off the hook?
Honen: I...I don't understand any of zis...If you're not here to rescue me and ze others, then what are you...Oh, no. I just realized someting, but zis can't be...zis can't really be happening. Rosalyn...
Deuce (?): Stop calling me that. It's Lt. Koma to you.
Honen: Aye. Lt. Koma, may I ask you...what year do you think it iz?
Deuce (?): Shut up and put your hands behind your back.
Honen: Iz 1995, isn't it??
Deuce (?): Of course it's 1995, now shut the fuck up before I shove this thing up your nose and pull the--
Honen: Lt. Koma, listen to me! I am from ze year 2010. I accidentally got pulled into zis old harddrive through vortex caused by disc read malfunction. In dat year, I am NOT your enemy anymore!
Deuce (95): That's just about the craziest thing I've ever heard. You really are a mad scientist and even madder if you seriously think I'm going to believe that.
Honen: Iz true.
Deuce (95): You're injured, aren't you?
Honen: Yes, I suppose I am.
Deuce (95): That's probably why you're making up this cock and bull, then. You can't fight me right now.
Honen: No, iz cause things are different in 2010 then they were in '95.
Deuce (95): They'd have to be pretty damned screwed-up for you to even suggest I'd ever be in love with you. ... I'm not saying I believe your story, but... there is something strange and different about you. Maybe it's just that you're slightly better-drawn than usual.
Honen: Lt. Koma, I need your help. Professor McRaven and his wife were also sucked into ze vortex and we got separated. Can you help me find them?
Deuce (95): ... Is it just your chest that's injured, or your head, too? McRaven's wife died a long time ago.
Honen: Aye caramba! You don't even know about dat yet??
Deuce (95): Enough!! I'm placing you under arrest. Your injuries will be tended to at the correctional facility.
Honen: *soupir exaspéré* Whatever. I can explain more along ze way, and... H-Holy...rückwärts Zeitparadoxe...Rosalyn! Behind you!
Deuce (95): ... Now you're really getting desperate if you think I'll fall for that old...



Deuce (95): ... What the hell...?
???: *THUMP!* *THUMP!* Are you reading me loud und clear?

What seems to be ze trouble here, Lt. Koma? Hm-hm! Who iz dat you be with, ay?

Deuce (95): ... ... What in the name of the Darlosian stars is going on here??
Honen: Zis cannot be happening...zis cannot be happening...
Deuce (95): ... ... TWO of them???? Oh, MAN!! This job just keeps getting worse and worse.
Honen (95): Iz Oni I see you with down there? Tell him to stand back while I crush you! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
Honen: NO! DON'T!!!
Deuce (95): Honen!! What are you doing?!?
Honen: You'll just make him mad! Let... let me try to handle him.

heilige Scheiße...

Honen (95): Get outta ze way, you Oni stupidé!! She iz friend to magic-users und thus enemy to our kind. I am ze great Dr. Honen Calzoun, all Onis are to follow my command, und I order you to stand aside or be fried!!!!!
Honen: No, you listen to me, you sniveling piece o' merde!! I am Dr. Honen Calzoun, and I order you to abort your attack immediately!!!
Honen (95): ... Dat iz...rather good impression...

But not good enough. Prepare to die!

Honen: GAH!! Abort your attack or you will be destroying your own future, you arrogant imbecile!!
Deuce (95): ... You must not really be Honen... But then who are you?
Honen (95): Drei...zwei...ein... Launching rockets!!
Honen: Rosalyn, look out!!!


Cory: I don't like this at all, Talon. I think Dr. Calzoun must've done something to them and run off.
Talon: I still don't believe he'd do that, Cory. Could he really expect to get away with it?
Cory: He's not known for being competent.
Talon: Then perhaps you shouldn't worry so much.
Deuce: Damn, this doesn't make any sense...
Talon: Any luck over there, Deuce?
Deuce: None whatsoever. The log files only go up to last night and nothing unusual was recorded. Nothing's yet been entered for today. And what's this strange hard drive they have hooked up here? I know the portable doesn't have a lot of space, but if they needed backup, why use such an ancient HD that only has about 4 gigs? And why are all the wires frayed...?

Cory: Deuce! What is that thing?!
Deuce: !!! I dunno, but okay, I'm putting it down! Go away, now.
Deuce: WTF?! I put it down!! There, see! Right there!!
Talon: Uh, Deuce, I don't think it gives a damn!
Bubu: !!!!! I'll take care of this one!!!




Cory: Bubu! What the hell are you...?!




Chance: ............
FO: What?
Chance: I want out of my contract.
FO: You breach, I sue.
Chance: No judge who sees that wouldn't sympathize with me.
FO: Let's see you do better with cheap graphics programs.
Chance: That's not even the issue.
FO: Oh, just shut up and enjoy the rest of the show.
Chance: "Enjoy" is wishful thinking at this point. More like... "attempt diligently to endure with every ounce of my waning mortal ability".
FO: You say tomato, I say tomahto.

Talon: *cough* *cough* Dammit it to *cough* Great Lord Drago... Deuce, are you allright??
Deuce: *cough* *ha-choo!* Yeah. Peachy.
Cory: Damn, Bubu, I didn't know you could do that.
Bubu: All cars in 80's cartoons can transform.
Cory: Yeah. Guess I forgot. Deuce, are you sure you're okay?
Deuce: Yes, but I'm no closer to figuring out what happened to the others.

Image: Nucleo, can you tell me where you think we are?
Nucleo: The Netscape cache.
Image: Hm. You seem pretty sure of that. How can you tell?
Nucleo: Because everyone's avatars ever are stored here?
Image: I see... I mean, wait, who's avatars? I don't recognize any of them.
Nucleo: They're avatars from the message boards the Overlord used to visit in the late 90's.
Image: Oh, okay.... I guess.
Lord Wyvern: Hey, Nucleo. You're fat.
Nucleo: Apparently, some old forum posts are still cached here, too. *cough*
Image: Nucleo, what's this one?
Nucleo: Im!! Don't touch that one!! That's...

Nucleo: ...Thawhidol's avatar...
Image: OH, GROSS!!! Who's Thawhidol and what's his brain doing here???
Thawhidol: Ha ha! This is rich!!
Nucleo: Thawhidol's an ancient forum troll whose body was torn apart in a DBDH Arena match. The brain was all that was left...seems it still has some traces of his personality.
Thawhidol: HA HA HA HA!! I've got a cable modem! Nothing's gonna stop me now! Not even your admin clicking! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Nucleo: Sorry, fella. This is 2010. We have a DSL connection now. We're more than a match for your cable modem.
Thawhidol: You don't have the brains to use DSL!! You're a cosmic joke!!
Nucleo: Okay, yeah, whatever. We're looking for someone, perhaps you've seen him? A young Oni dressed in monk clothing, talks with an accent...
Thawhidol: His loss is the collective GUILT of the RAU!! MWA HA HA!! YOU ALL BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELVES!!! MWA HA HA!! I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST!!!
Nucleo: Oh, Heavens to Margaritaville!
Image: Nuclee, I think I'm gonna vomit.
Nucleo: Just hang in there, honey. We've gotta keep looking for Honen and then we'll find a way out of here.

Honen: Ohhh....merde...*cough* *spit* ...iz dat really what I sounded like through ze megaphone? I could barely understand myself. Oh, my aching Oni popo... What in ze world am I doing? If I had just gone back to being villain none of zis would have ever...
???: ...
Honen: Sacrebleu..! She iz me...How iz dat possiblé? ... Zis place iz so strange...could be another security system boobytrap...or worse...or...Hey!! What you doing??
Honen: Let...let go of me! Don't touch me, you little...GAH!!
Honen: *huff* *huff* *HACK!* .... What ze hell iz wrong with you?? I am ze EVIL DICTATOR, Dr. Honen Calzoun, and I command you to...!!! Gehen Sie weg von mir sofort!!!! *huff* GrrrraaaaaaaAAAAGGGGHHH!!!!


Honen: ... ? ? ? *Ce qui dans le monde?*
???: ...
Honen: *Hai*... Ouch...I see...
???: ... Are you related to Cirrus? You look very similar...
Honen: Cirrus? ... You mean her? ... I don't think I am... Wait, what's it to you, lizardman?! Twas your kind dat destroyed ze Oni village!! Don't expect to fare as well against me! I am ze notorious Dr. Honen Calzoun!! I have strength and skill beyond many Onis!
???: I'm sure you do, but you're injured and there's no need to fight me.
Honen: I have fought...with worse...injuries, Lizardman! *cough* *ack!* But perhaps, you are zis time...I think I shall just...RUN!
???: Hey! Wait!!

Cory: ... ... Talon...
Talon: Yeah, Cor, what is it?
Cory: That thing that attacked Deuce... do you think it got them?
Talon: There's no evidence that it did.
Cory: What if it completely vaporized them?
Talon: Cor, c'mon. Your parents are too sharp to get caught by something like that.
Cory: But they can be really naive, too. It gets them into trouble.
Talon: Please don't worry so much.
Deuce: Hmmm.. I don't think I've ever seen this harddrive before and I'm pretty sure I was 100% familiar with all of the electronic equipment from the Grimmora University.... Well, that's strange...
Talon: What is it, Lt. Koma?
Deuce: Three new files were created on this hard drive today, and they've been moved several times...
Talon: And?
Deuce: I know this sounds nuts, but I think Nucleo, Image, and Honen... have somehow gone into this old hard drive.
Cory: What? That's impossible.
Deuce: For most people, yes, but not for cartoons.
Talon: So...maybe they're just...exploring it then? As part of the expedition?
Deuce: Maybe...but the presence of that security mech kinda bugs me. I'm not much of a hacker, but I'm gonna try to crack this thing and contact them. I just hope my theory is correct because I'm gonna feel really stupid talking to it if I'm wrong.




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